


Tie A Ribbon Around My Heart

by LegendsofSnark



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Bottom Castiel, Charlie Bradbury/Alicia Banes - Freeform, Happy Ending, Kidnapping, M/M, Max Banes/Sam Winchester - Freeform, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-10-05
Packaged: 2019-07-25 07:21:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16192805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LegendsofSnark/pseuds/LegendsofSnark
Summary: Castiel Novak and Dean Winchester are friends, the best that there is and one day it all changes with a kiss. Pretty soon, the two are dating and they become that couple. However, a year goes by and after a car accident Castiel loses his memory..he doesn't remember Dean, or their friends. He barely remembers himself.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Much thanks for the mods over at the DCBB for hosting this and thanks to Pimentogirl for selecting my fic and creating the most amazing artwork for the fic! 
> 
> You can also view the artwork here [tie a ribbon around my heart](https://archiveofourown.org/works/16198523)
> 
> A huge thanks to Malmuses for looking this over for me! This fic would've been a mess had it not been for her!! 
> 
>  
> 
> And check out Pimentogirl's blog over at [pimentogirl](https://pimentogirl.tumblr.com)

_Ten…_

 

Dean Winchester stared at the man next to him, Castiel's eyes are focused on the ball slowly descending from the pole. Blue eyes lit up brightly. It's been a gift from Eileen, one of their closest friends. She had just recently gotten married and decided to treat not just her wife, but their entire group of friends, to a trip to the Big Apple for New Year's. Dean was hesitant, not wanting to take time off from Sandover. Dean's boss is a hard ass, not wanting anyone to have any fun or even vacation if he wasn't getting to have it as well. However, the moment that Castiel had told them he was going (it was his first time out of Lawrence) Dean's mind had been made up and he told his boss he needed this vacation.

 

_Nine…_

 

Charlie and Alicia are off somewhere doing who knows what. Sam and Max (Alicia's very opinionated twin) are wrapped around each other and kissing way before the drop begins. Eileen had vanished long before they even made it to the giant ball.

 

That left Dean and Castiel. Castiel who, much to no one's surprise but Castiel himself, Dean had a crush on since the moment that they met back in high school. Castiel who has just gotten out of an almost fifteen-year relationship with Bartholomew Addams. Not that Dean cares, Bartholomew was a dick that wasn't worthy of Castiel.

 

He's hated the guy since high school.

 

_Eight…._

 

Dean moved a tiny bit closer… his breath hitched in his throat as he began to think this through; think about what he is going to ask of Castiel.

 

_Seven…._

 

He placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder.

 

_Six…._

 

He squeezed his shoulder. His heart pounded loudly in his chest...

 

_Five…_

 

_Four…._

 

_Three…_

 

_Two…._

 

_One…_

 

Castiel turned to Dean with a wide smile, and Dean's lost. Lost in those deep blue eyes. He can't breathe.

 

“Dean,” Castiel said slowly, and soon his lips went on Dean's.

 

The kiss is just what Dean has always dreamed it would be. Castiel's lips were soft, his hands moved towards Dean's neck and pulled him closer. The sounds of everyone else are drowned out. Dean can't hear a thing over the blood rushing to his ears, and to another part of his body.

 

Castiel finally pulled back, and Dean can't help but place a finger to his lips, lips that stung just a tiny bit when he realized that Castiel bit his lip before pulling away.

 

“Cas?”

 

Castiel shook his head. “It's New Year's. You have to kiss someone on New Years. It's basically a given.” Castiel tilted his head back, his hand still on Dean's neck as he pulled him back towards him. “Plus I've wanted to do that since high school.”

 

Dean smirked, shaking his head. “It took you this long to make a move?”

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “What can I say? I love the slow burn.”

 

“What does this mean for us?”

 

Castiel’s hand fell down to Dean's, he entwined them.

 

“What do you want this to mean for us?”

 

Dean looked away. “You just got out of a relationship with Bartholomew. I don't want to rush you into anything that you aren't ready for.”

 

Castiel laughed, holding Dean's hand a little tight. “It was two years ago. Yeah, he was one of the first people I ever fell in love with, but he broke my heart Dean, more times than I can count and you know that. Plus, I could use a distraction right about now.”

 

Dean tilted his head. Confused.

 

“Distraction from what?”

 

Castiel pulled Dean into another kiss. This one is short and sweet.

 

When he finally pulled back, Dean was breathless again. Should he have this effect on him?

 

“From you,” Castiel smiled, and it's not a complete lie. "I've always wanted to know what it was like to kiss Dean Winchester.”

 

“Well. This was a good way of showing me. Finally.”


	2. Chapter 2

Nothing's the same after New year's and that weeklong stay in New York. Dean and Castiel basically spent the entire vacation figuring out their feelings for each other and keeping the group off their scents about their newly discovered relationship.  

 

Once everyone is back in Lawrence, Dean and Castiel decided to tell them. 

 

It was about time anyway. A whole week of keeping to themselves, their friends were sure to figure  _ something _ out about the two of them. 

 

“Like we didn't know!” Charlie shouted, she jumped up and pulled Castiel and Dean into a hug. Her smile was bright and infectious. Dean can't help but mimic her expression. 

 

“Dude.” Sam began. “I saw you both on New Year's. I was just too polite to say anything.” 

 

“Bitch,” Dean swore, he threw a pillow that was sitting beside him at his brother. 

 

“Jerk,” Sam replied, he caught the pillow with ease. “Anyway, we kind of all knew this was going to happen the moment that you first laid eyes on Cas. Charlie and Max took bets over how long it would take.” 

 

Max rolled his eyes, he pulled out his wallet and handed over a fifty dollar bill to Charlie. 

 

“And she beat me by three days.” 

 

Charlie took the cash, “Well, you know better than to bet against me. Especially someone who's known Dean for a while and spent three months living with the man. You should have asked Sammy over here about Dean. You might not have been down fifty bucks.” 

 

“Whatever.” Max smiled. “Are we still on for tonight? I heard through the grapevine that  _ The Devil's Minions  _ are playing tonight at Club Angel. We all still going right?” 

 

Dean glanced over at Castiel, he's got a watchful gaze on him. They sort of had plans to hang out and go on a real date but hey, why not right? This would constitute as technically a real date anyway. 

 

“I'm down.” Charlie replied. “I've wanted to see them play for the longest.” 

 

Max casted a look over at Dean and Castiel. “What about you guys?” 

 

Dean shrugged. “Sure. Why not. It could be fun. Cas?” 

 

Castiel only grinned, a grin that told Dean that they was something else going on in his mind. “Yeah..it could be fun.” 

 

                                    ♡

 

“If you don't want to go we don't have to, Dean said. Castiel had been quiet the entire time that they've been in the car. Dean had wanted to drop Castiel off at his place to get ready; however the man had other plans and instead asked Dean to take him home and wait in the car. A few minutes passed before Dean saw him again, this time he had a large duffle thrown over his shoulder and asked Dean if he could stay the night with him. 

 

“Seriously Cas?” Dean grinned. “You couldn't have asked me first? I might have had plans.” 

 

Castiel rolled his eyes and tossed his bag in the back. Dean can't help but watch the way  that Castiel stretched as he rolled his eyes at him. 

 

“Even if I had asked, the answer would have been the exact same as now. Right? Like you could say no to me.” 

 

Dean nodded, leaned over and pressed a kiss to Castiel’s lips. “You got that right. So, do you want to just drop your stuff off at my place and head to get something to eat or what?” 

 

“I would much rather head home and spend a little time with you first, and then we head off towards the bar.” 

 

Castiel's hand landed on Dean's thigh. “I mean we don't have to meet up with them until about eight tonight. I want to really break-in that bed of yours.” 


	3. Chapter 3

The club's was loud; the music is pulsed throughout their bodies as they entered, people stood just a bit too close to each other at the bar and on the dance floor. Dean was the middle of the club at the table his group had created, they pushed two empty tables together when they couldn't find a big enough one. Sam and Max were dancing with each other on the dance floor. 

 

Dean smiled. It's been a while since he had seen his brother this happy, ever since Madison had left him when he announced that he identified as bisexual, he had been hesitant to fall in love again. 

 

Then the Bane siblings had entered their lives,  Alicia had been the one to meet Charlie first, both girls arguing over which superhero was better and soon enough the two of them had become good enough friends that Alicia introduced them to her twin brother Max. 

 

Sam had been taken with him almost instantly and vise- versa. Max and Sam had become a couple not even a month after the two of them had met the group. 

 

And it wasn't too long after that Charlie and Alicia had decided to explore their feelings for each other. 

 

Off in the corner of the club were Charlie and Alicia, the two of were laughing at something that the bartender had said. Charlie had her arms wrapped securely around Alicia's waist. 

 

“Both cute couples right?” Castiel plopped down beside Dean, he placed a Gin and Tonic in front of himself and then a shot of whiskey in front of Dean. “I can't remember the last time I saw Charlie smile that much.” 

 

Dean lifted his glass to his lips. He took a soft sip and cringed just a bit. It was a lot stronger than he usually had.

 

“It's mixed with Vodka. It's called Purgatory.” Castiel said before Dean had a chance and those are moments that Dean appreciated. 

Much like Sam, it's almost like Castiel can read his thoughts, and finished his sentences. 

 

“That explains the extra burn when it went down my throat. And yeah. I haven't seen Sam that excited and happy either. It's been so long for either of them.” 

 

Castiel leaned close to Dean, it allowed him to wrap his arms around his shoulders. 

 

“I haven't been this happy in a long time either.” 

 

Castiel's voice lowered,  and he froze up for a tiny bit. Dean only pulled him as close as he could. He knows just why Castiel hadn't been happy. 

 

Bartholomew Addams had been a horrible friend to them all and even more horrible boyfriend to Castiel. Dean remembered the nights that Castiel would call him crying and upset and hurt. 

 

Bartholomew… 

 

The man who claimed that he loved Castiel but would sleep around on him. 

 

Bartholomew. .

 

The man who often times would tell Castiel that his friends didn't like him and were only using him. 

 

If Dean had the chance. 

 

“That's all in the past now. He can't hurt you anymore. You know that right? You broke up with him, you ended things and you won't ever see him again. You have me now.” 

 

Castiel turned to Dean, a wide and loving smile on his face. He reached up and wrapped an arm around Dean's neck, he pulled him down to press a soft, lingering kiss on his lips. 

 

Each kiss felt different to Dean. 

 

The first time that they kissed, Dean felt fireworks and butterflies in his stomach. The second kiss had been shortly after they got back and Castiel had spent the night at Dean's place. It was a lazy morning kiss with bad morning breath between the two of them. 

 

This one was electric. 

 

Castiel's lips felt like electricity dancing across his lips, and he had to refrain himself. They did promise to hang out with their friends tonight. 

 

Not slink off in the middle of the night to play handsy with each other. 

 

Dean pulled back. A sly smile on his face. 

 

“Let's get out of here.” Castiel smiled. “Let's go to your car.” 

 

“We promised them that we would spend some time. Tonight. I promise you baby, tonight I'm all yours.” 

 

“Well, isn't that just the cutest little thing on the planet?” 

 

Castiel froze up in Dean's arms. 

 

Dean looked up and a frown crossed his face. This was the last person that he wanted to see or wanted Castiel to see. 

 

“What do you want Bartholomew?” Dean snarled. He moved his hands down, wrapped  them tightly with Castiel's and gave them a light squeeze. 

 

Bartholomew smiled. He was handsome, Dean always thought so, but he had what most people would call the “The Devilish Charm," and it was just that when it came to Bartholomew. His looks fooled everyone until you actually got to know him. 

 

“I was just here, looking for a quick lay and what do I stumble upon? My ex-boyfriend and whoever the fuck you are to him, Dean.” 

 

“I'm his  _ boyfriend _ now Bart,  and we were having a great time. Why don't you leave us alone?” 

 

Bartholomew merely laughed and took a seat across from the two of them. 

 

“Nah. I think I'm gonna enjoy this for a while. I mean I'm in no rush to get anywhere soon. As and I want to catch up with Cassie. How have you been sweetheart?” 

 

Castiel looked away, he tried not to make any contact with Bartholomew at all. 

 

“He doesn't want to talk to you.” 

 

“He can tell me that for himself. Or has it been that long that he can't speak for himself?” 

 

“He doesn't want to talk to you. Don't you get that? What you've put him through,  _ Bart _ . You made his life hell.” 

 

“If he would have just done what I wanted him to do then nothing that happened would have gone down.” 

 

Anger flashed across Castiel's face, he turned from Dean, stared right at Bartholomew.

 

“Is that what you really think? That what, if I had slept with you like you wanted me to you wouldn't have cheated on me? And what about lying about my friends? Saying that they hated me so you could keep me around? That's called abuse Bartholomew and before I couldn't see it but now I do. I know what you did to me. It wasn't right. Nothing like that is ever right.” 

 

Castiel stood abruptly. Dean doesn't even hesitate to follow after him and soon both of them are on the street, taking in the cool night air. 

 

“You alright?” Dean questioned  The two began to walk towards Dean's car. 

 

“I'll be better once I get to your place. I need a drink.” 

 

“I'll text the group and let them know what went down but given Charlie and her senses. She probably already knows. If she's not in there now yelling at Bartholomew.” 

 

Dean took his phone out and sent a message to everyone to let them know what had gone down and that he and Castiel were heading out a bit early. 

 

“What do you want to do when we get there besides a drink? I could put on a movie and pop some popcorn.” 

 

“Could we maybe just cuddle? Maybe a blowjob afterward?” 

 

“Alright.I mean if you want to give me one. I won't be above it.” 

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “I meant me, you assbutt. It can give me some relaxation. I've never had your mouth on me.” 

 

Dean stopped, he thought a little about what Castiel had just said. “Are you sure about that? I'm sure that I've blown you off a few times since we've been together.” 

 

Castiel shook his head. “I don't think you have. I would remember having those plush lips on me. If you can make me come in five minutes then I can suck you off. Got it?”

 

Dean reached forward and grabbed Castiel by the waist. He pressed a kiss to his neck. 

 

“I can make you come in three.” 


	4. Chapter 4

                                      ♡

 

“It's hot.” Alicia complained. It had been almost a week since that night in the bar. Castiel and Dean hadn't seen or heard from Bartholomew since then, (Despite Charlie's lack of trying to find him and give him a piece of her mind). Dean had spent the last few days making Castiel know that he was loved by everyone in their group. 

 

“It's supposed to be.” Max added, he unloaded his van for their day at the beach. It had been Sam's idea, which confused Dean. His brother hated the beach. “They said it was going to be a heatwave and you knew that.” 

 

“Doesn't mean anything! Hurry up, I want to get into that water and cool down.” 

 

“I can't wait to see you in that bikini I bought you.” Charlie said as she got out the van. 

 

Dean followed. 

 

“Cas,you up to this?” Dean asked. “I know you hate the beach and the sun.” 

 

Castiel got out of the backseat of the van, he grabbed the beach towel that sat next to him. 

 

“Yeah but I can just sit under Max’s umbrella and read my book.” 

 

“Or… You can play some water games with me.” Sam wrapped his arm around Castiel. “Me and you versus Max and Dean. If they win we cook for them and if they win they buy us dinner.” 

 

“That's not exactly fair.” Max frowned. “I didn't know Sam Winchester didn't like to play by the rules.” 

 

“I'm playing by the rules. Just changing them a tiny bit to suit me and Cas’ needs. You and Dean can't cook for nothing and we're not risking it.”

 

Max tossed a blanket towards Sam, it ended up hitting him right in the face. “Listen here. I can cook. I can make spaghetti.” 

 

“Which I recall you burned once.” Dean added. “But I can cook. You remember all those times I  looked for you Sammy when you were little. The tomato and rice soup that you loved so much. The burgers and that salad I made you?” 

 

Sam thought back for a moment. “Okay so Max can't cook for nothing and that wouldn't be fair for only Max to buy us dinner. Anyway, what do you guys say?” 

 

Dean and Max exchanged glances. “Okay but let's make this just a bit more interesting. What do you say?” Dean stepped forward, he took Castiel's hand in his. 

 

“Oh?” 

 

“If we win, Cas, you have to go away with me to our family's cabin this weekend…” 

 

“And Sam,” Max smirked. “You have to say yes.” 

 

Sam frowned. “Say yes to what?” 

 

Max shook his head. “You'll see if we win.” 

 

Max walked away, leaving Sam confused. 

 

“Do you know what that was about?” 

 

Dean frowned, he shook his head. “No idea baby brother. Maybe you should lose and see what happens?” 

 

Sam smirked. “No. I'm gonna win, we're gonna win. Right, Cas?” 

 

Castiel leaned over and kissed Dean's lips. 

 

“You're going down baby.” 

                                          +

 

“You cheated.” Dean watched as Castiel wiped the water from his face and laid back against the cooler underneath the large beach umbrella. “You definitely cheated. You and Max. You distracted us.” 

 

Dean collapsed next to Castiel. He wrapped an arm around Castiel's waist and pulled him close to him. 

 

“I don't know what you're talking about. I don't cheat.” 

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Right. And I'm an angel that fell from Heaven. So I guess I'm going away with you this weekend to your family's cabin?” 

 

“You'll love it. It's totally secluded. Plus it's just gonna be us there. No one around for miles.” 

 

“That sounds almost ominous.”

 

“Don't worry. I'm not some psycho that's gonna take you into the woods and do all kinds of wicked things to you.”

 

“I wouldn't mind that. Actually.” 

 

Dean's eyes are focused on Castiel's, he watched him closely. 

 

“You're amazing you know that right?” Dean asked, Castiel blushed. “How did I get so lucky.”

 

“You tell me.” 

 

“Oh my gosh!” Castiel and Dean turn, seeing Alicia jump up and down and Dean had to do a double take. Max was on one knee in front of his brother and now it clicked in his head. 

 

_ YOU HAVE TO SAY YES. _

 

Max asked Sam to marry him. 

 

“Looks like Sammy's getting married.” Dean smiled. “I didn't think it would take this long.” 

 

“And why is that?” 

 

“Because the first time they saw each other,  I was sure that Sam wanted to ask him then and there. I had never seen love in that boy's eyes before the the way that there was when he saw Max. I'm happy for him.” 

 

Castiel enclosed his hands with Dean's. “And what about you? Have you ever thought about marriage?” 

 

Dean shrugged, he glanced over at the water. “I have. What about you?” 

 

Castiel shook his head. “I thought that a life with Bartholomew was something that I wanted. I had dreams of marrying him, starting a family. But now that I think about it, I don't think raising a child with him would have been a good idea. You saw the way that he treated me. Imagine what he would have done with the child.” 

 

“But that was then. How about now? Would you want to marry me sometime in the future if this whole thing works out between us?” 

 

“Is this your way of asking me to marry you, Dean Winchester?” 

 

“Not right now. But someday. If you really want to. I won't push you. However, this is my statement. If you want to do it in the future.” 

 

“You know what, I really wouldn't mind that, Dean.” 

 

                                                ♡

 

The weekend at Dean's is one that Castiel wanted to remember for the rest of his life. Once they got back after the beach, Dean had planned out everything for their next weekend trip. He had everything planned down to the T, including the drive up there and after that, Dean ended up cooking them dinner. 

 

“This is delicious. What is it?” Castiel asked over a mouth full of pasta. He looked down at his plate which was nearly empty and then to Dean's which still had a lot more on it. 

 

“Pasta Linguine with pesto substituted for the sauce. I know you're not a big fan of burgers and greasy foods. I found this online and decided to try it for you.” 

 

Castiel took another bite, his eyes rolled to the back of his head. “God yes, it's better than sex.” 

 

Dean chuckled. “Better than sex. We haven't had sex yet so how do you know?” 

 

“Dean, I think this could be a lot better than your cock. Just saying.” 

 

“Well, do you wanna test that theory?” 

 

Castiel dropped the fork he was holding, he took a deep breath with wide eyes. Dean smiled, a thought crossed his mind that maybe he's broken him. 

 

“Are you sure?” Castiel took another large breath, he placed his hands in his lap. “We haven't really talked about it all that much yet. I mean we don't have to. Even though I've thought about it for years but if you don't want to then we really don't have to.” 

 

“I want to. Maybe next weekend at the cabin. You're gonna be the first person that I ever bought there and, well, I want it to be more special than ever now.” 

 

“This is a big step for us.” 

 

“I know.” 

 

“This will change things between us.” 

 

“I think that happened the moment we kissed on New Year's and you agreed to be my boyfriend.” 

 

Castiel placed his hand on top of the table and Dean took it. 

 

“I want to have sex with you. I want to feel close to you Cas.” 

 

“I do too, Dean. But now, are you going to finish that?” 

 

Dean slid his plate over to Castiel. 

 

“Nah. You can have it.” 

 

                                                     ♡

 

A week past and, before Dean knows it, He's picking Castiel up and heading towards the Winchester cabin that sits just outside of Lawrence.

 

The whole week leading up to it, Dean and Castiel had been jittery. They would stare at each other, giving each other secret glances and smiling. Everyone in their group had thought that something was off about them, that maybe they had already slept together and were just being weird about it. 

 

“Did you get everything?” Castiel questioned. “I mean I know you said that your parents keep their cabin fully stocked but….” 

 

“I got beer, wine, whiskey and some junk food that you love.” 

 

“And what about the uh, other stuff that we talked about?” 

 

Castiel's face turner red at the thought of what they had discussed not twelve hours ago. 

 

“I've got the lube. Yeah. Picked that up before I came here.” 

 

“What about the--"

 

“I got condoms, Cas. You don't have to worry about that.” 

 

“Okay. So we're really doing that then? We're going to have sex for the first time?” 

 

“Not the first time.” 

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean. It's our first time together.” 

 

Dean went silent. “I've dreamt about this you know. In high school. I always thought that we would end up together, but you always found yourself going for guys like Bartholomew and Balthazar and I always thought maybe I didn't stand a chance with you.” 

 

“Why didn't you ever tell me how you felt all those years ago? We could have...” 

 

“Could have what? By senior year you were with Bartholomew, and I ended up almost marrying Lisa. And then after that, it was just me being the best friend that I could be to you.” 

 

“I wish you would have told me that back then.” 

 

“Would it have made a difference in our lives? Would you have wanted to be with me? Or would you have stayed with Bartholomew and things would have gotten weird between us with you knowing my real feelings for you? You were deeply in love with Bartholomew.” 

 

Castiel turned his head, he stared out the window. He watched as the trees whipped by. He wondered just how different his life would have been if Dean had told him all those years ago. “Who knows Dean? Maybe? Maybe I wouldn't have endured what I did with Bartholomew. We could have had something special and lovely and wonderful. I just wish you would have told me back then. I did have a crush on you too,  you know.” 

 

“Well, let's focus on now. What we have right now. It's just you and me.” 

 

“Just you and me.” 


	5. Chapter 5

“There's no television in here.” Castiel dropped his bags on the couch of the living room. He walked around, the decor, he admired. It had been very reminiscent of all those cabins he saw in movies. “And one bedroom.” 

 

“You don't mind that do you?” 

 

“Not at all. What do you want to do first?” 

 

                                                   ♡

 

Dinner had been nothing but pizza that Dean had baked himself, and they sat by the fire, talking and smiling until there was silence, and then a kiss. 

 

Dean pushed Castiel back against the shaggy carpet, he hovered over the top of him. 

 

“I've imagined kissing your lips since I met you at that pep rally freshman year.” 

 

A kiss to his lips. 

 

“And holding you in my arms.” 

 

Dean's hand wandered down to Castiel's belt buckle, Dean undid it instantly with one hand. Dean reached inside of Castiel's underwear, grasping at his cock. 

 

Castiel let out a brief moan. 

 

“I've thought about this too. Maybe once or twice.” 

 

Dean stroked him, he ran a thumb over Castiel's cockhead. 

 

“Have you? When?” 

 

“It was the summer before college. At Charlie's pool party and you were in that tiny, uh, black speedo. I couldn't focus at all.” 

 

“Hmmm. You should have told me then.” 

 

Dean licked a line across Castiel's collarbone.

 

“You were with Lisa. I was with Bartholomew. It wouldn't have been right.” 

 

Dean slowly began to remove Castiel's clothes, his as well. 

 

“Where's the condoms?” Castiel asked, his hands moved towards Dean's back, he wrapped his legs around his waist. 

 

“On the counter, but baby you have to let me go to get them.” 

 

“No. I don't want to.” 

 

A thought crossed Dean's mind. 

 

“I'm clean Cas. Every person I've been with, I've always used protection.” 

 

“So have I. Bart wouldn't do it without one. Even as long as we’d been together. I'm clean, Dean.” 

 

Dean let out a growl, he pulled Castiel closer to him. 

 

“I need to prep you sweetie.” 

 

Castiel shook his head. “I did that before dinner...didn't want to waste time. I'm ready for you now.” 

 

Dean smirked. “You little minx you. You want me, you really want me don't you?” 

 

Castiel tilted his head back, “Please Dean. Now.” 

 

Dean kissed him passionately as he pushed in slowly, almost anguished, Dean removed his hand from Castiel's cock and cradled his chin to give him a kiss. 

 

“Dean….” 

 

“Shh, it's gonna be okay. I promise you. That's it, take it.” 

 

Dean began a pace once he's completely inside of Castiel. 

 

“You feel, so….” 

 

“So what? Tell me Cas.” 

 

“So good. So very good. More.” 

 

“Deeper or Harder? What do you want me to do? You need to be more vocal for me sweetheart." 

 

Dean bent his head to nip at Castiel's collarbone, a slight mark across the pale flesh had been left. 

 

Dean pushed in deeper, he went all the way until his balls were slapping against Castiel's ass. 

 

That earned a sharp gasp from Castiel, his fingers dug into Dean's back, sure to leave marks in the morning. Dean began to fuck him just the way that he wants. 

 

Giving him just what he wanted .    
  
"You like that Baby?” Dean whispered, Castiel can barely contain what he wants to say, instead, he let out a series of curse words that Dean didn't know that Castiel knew. 

 

He pushed his hips against Dean's cock, taking him deeper.   
  
“Make me come Dean, make me feel everything, make me feel loved."   
  
He continued to push into Castiel;  he wrapped his arms around Castiel's shoulders, pulled him up with ease. 

 

“Fuck Cas. You feel amazing. I need you to work with me.”    
  
“I can’t help you, I want you deeper. Dean, fuck." Castiel pleaded. "I-I want to come. I need it...."   
  
“Shhh, okay I can't get deeper than that okay baby,” Dean whispered , kissing Castiel's forehead.   
  


Dean quickened his pace, Castiel's head dropped to Dean's chest.    
  
He looked down into Castiel's eyes, blue eyes met his. 

 

“I'm gonna come Dean.” 

 

“Then come.” 

 

Dean gave one final thrust, Dean moved his hand back toward Castiel's leaking cock. He began to stroke him as fast as he could. 

 

“Dean…” 

 

“Come on.” 

 

Castiel let out a loud shout, thick, white streams covered Dean's chest as he came inside of Castiel. 

 

“Good. So good.” Dean whispered. 

 

                                  ♡

 

“That was amazing.” Castiel's snuggled against Dean's chest. They had cleaned themselves up but didn't want to move from their spot. 

 

“You were amazing. I can't believe we actually did that. After all these years.” 

 

“I know. It was… mind-blowing. I love you, Dean.” 

 

“I love you too, Castiel.” 

 

                                            _

 

Three months. 

 

That's how long it had been since the cabin and three months for Castiel to realize that Dean loved him, truly and actually loved him more than Bartholomew ever could. 

 

“How's the wedding planning coming along?” Castiel hung out with Max, his and Alicia's birthday were coming up, and Sam and Charlie wanted to do something special for the two of them. Castiel had offered to go around town with Max while Dean helped Sam set the reservations for Max's favorite restaurant. “I mean it's been three months. Have you two set a date?” 

 

The two of them were browsing the sweater section at one of Max's favorite stores. Max found a black hoodie, he picked it off the rack and began to examine it.  

 

“I want to do it on Sam's birthday. Make it even more special than it already is you know? How romantic would that be?” 

 

“Very. So, um. Your birthday is coming up soon.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah, forget about that. What about you and Dean?” 

 

“What about us?” 

 

“Something changed between the two of you..everyone can sense it. Just how well did that weekend at the cabin go between the two of you? None of you told us what happened up there.” 

 

Castiel looked down at his feet, a blush crept over his face. “I'm pretty sure that you guys can figure it out. Dean and I, we took the next step in our relationship and we--" 

 

Max screamed, he ended up shouting a little too loud that he scared a mother and her child nearby. 

 

“I told Charlie that's what happened when you guys got back! You had a glow about you and Dean was smiling too much for just a weekend getaway.” 

 

“Can you not? Please, Max. Okay. It's not a big deal.” 

 

“It's a very big deal. Cas, you and Dean took a big step. You trusted yourself with Dean after what you had gone through with Bartholomew. This is a very big deal. Don't you get that? You and Dean, it's going to be something special.” 

 

“I wouldn't say that. Dean and I, our relationship is something that's developing and I am curious as to where it would go.” 

 

“You and him, it's gonna be special,  hey, I was wondering- do you want to be my groomsman? I wanted to ask you to be my Best man but Alicia thought just because she's my twin, she's already guaranteed to be my best woman.” 

 

Castiel laughed. Of course. 

 

“Only Alicia can be. I'd be honored to be one of your groomsmen.” 

 

“Thank you so mu---" Castiel's words dropped off. He stared ahead. Standing just on the other side of the coat rack was Bartholomew. 

 

He was hard to miss, standing at 6’ ft he hovered over the short racks. He was with Anael, his stepsister and the one person who knew what was going on with them, she tried to stop it before and sometimes Castiel wasn't sure that she wanted to. She often told Bartholomew that Castiel was the best thing to happen to their family and she wouldn't give that up for anything. 

 

He didn't know back that if she was helping him or trying to help herself. 

 

Castiel turned, Max watched him with worried eyes. He tried to lead him out of the door but Castiel was frozen with fear. 

 

“Seriously Bart. This would look great on you. Black has always been your color.” 

 

“You really think so? Cassie always said I looked good in blue.” 

 

That was true. Blue had always been better on Bartholomew than any other color. It really bought out his eyes and the jacket that Anael was holding up for him, it didn't work well with him. He wouldn't look good in it and suddenly years worth of shopping for the man came flooding back to him. 

 

He needs to leave. 

 

“Well, Castiel always did know what looked good on you.” Anael looked up, just as Castiel did and their eyes locked. “Castiel!” 

 

Anael dropped the jacket and rushed to Castiel and pulled him into a tight hug. 

 

“Hello, Anael.” 

 

“I've missed you so much!” 

 

“I've missed you too. Look Bart! It's Cassie!” 

 

Castiel swallowed hard. He must not have told her about the run in a few months ago. 

 

“Cassie…” Bartholomew's eyes bore into Castiel, it made him feel what he had felt all those years ago, the first time that he had ever laid eyes on Bartholomew. “It really is good to see you.” 

 

“Well…” Max interrupted, strong arms wrapped around Castiel's. “This is a great reunion , but Cas and I need to be anywhere but here.” 

 

Anael frowned, eyes going to Bartholomew and then to Castiel. “Is this your new boyfriend?” 

 

“No.” Castiel smiled. “This is Max Banes. He's Sam's soon to be husband. I'm actually dating Dean now.” 

 

Anael’s frown turned into a smirk. “Really? Dean Winchester. You snagged Dean Winchester? Damn, I remember every girl wanted him in high school. Didn't he marry Lisa Braeden or something?” 

 

“They broke up shortly after high school.” 

 

“Oh, that's sad. Anyway you and him? How is that? I mean I always wished that you and my brother would have worked things out but I understand why it didn't. Are you happy at least? Does he treat you right?” 

 

Castiel took a deep breath, his eyes locked with Bartholomew. “He treats me better than I have been in a long time. He truly loves me. He respects me and I'm happy.” 

 

Anael pulled him into another hug. “I'm glad. I'm glad that he treats you good, right Bart? Isn't that good?” 

 

Bartholomew's jaw clenched. Castiel can see the gears turning in his head. He's not happy about it. He missed Castiel, that much was obvious but it was his own fault. He did this to their relationship. 

 

“It's very good. I can only hope for the best between you and Dean.” 

 

“I hope you mean that, ” Max added. His eyes are furrowed towards Bartholomew. He had never been a fan of the man, Bartholomew felt the same way about Max. They didn't like each other. “Come on Cas. We need to go. Charlie just texted me. She wants us to meet her at Eileen's.” 

 

“Alright. Bye, Anael. Bartholomew. It was good seeing the both of you again.” 


	6. Chapter 6

“And he just completely acted like he didn't run into us three months ago at the club?” 

 

Castiel had made it to Eileen's in one piece (no thanks to speed demon Max Banes), Dean was waiting for them Inside, chatting with Sam and Eileen when he got in there. Eileen watched him, smiling and congratulating him on his relationship with Dean. They hadn't really seen each other since New Year's, with Eileen being completely off the grid since getting married. 

 

Castiel had made his rounds before he headed into Eileen's kitchen to pour himself a drink. 

 

Castiel found Dean and recounted the story for him. 

 

“I guess not. He made me angry. He didn't even tell Anael.” Castiel stared at a glass that sat on the table in front of him, his mind going silent as he took in everything. 

 

“How is she? I haven't seen her in a long time,” Dean asked. 

 

“She's doing good. She seems happy. I didn't ask her much.” Castiel leaned against one of the counters, crossing his arms.

 

“I wouldn't mind catching up with her. She was a nice girl. She tried her hardest to get her brother on track. She always did like the two of you together.” 

 

Castiel finished off his drink. “I was the first person that her big brother bought home that didn't treat like she was a pest. I actually use to enjoy helping Anael with her homework and whatever else that she needed. And she used to call me her favorite future brother-in-law.” 

 

“How about this. You don't have to deal with Bartholomew, but you can hang out with her again. Just talk to her, meet up for coffee and reconnect. He doesn't have to have anything to do with it.” 

 

Castiel leaned back against the sofa. He looked at a football game playing on the screen. The only one watching it seemed to be Max and barely. Castiel watched the players run up and down the field.

 

“Maybe you're right. I do miss her. Plus, Bartholomew can't dictate who she talks to.” 

 

“Exactly. And for a brat, she was alright. So you call her up and maybe we can hang out. Alright?” 

 

“Alright. Hey, you know why Charlie wanted to see us? The birthday party isn't until Saturday, and I doubt that she wants to spoil the surprise now.” 

 

Dean shrugged and stood up. “No idea. I'm going to go get another beer. You want one?” 

 

Castiel handed him his now empty glass. “Another shot of whiskey would do wonders for me.” 

 

Dean took the glass out of Castiel's hand. “Coming right up.” 

 

Dean disappeared from sight and Castiel sat up, rested his head on his hands. His mind was running a mile a minute. The seat dipped beside him. He turned to see Charlie sitting next to him. 

 

“Still upset about Bartholomew?” Charlie questions. 

 

“Why can't my life be enjoyable? Why can't I be happy without him being at every turn? We broke up. He wasn't good to me so I ended it, it's his fault.” 

 

“I get that. But you and Bartholomew were together for a long time. That's not something you can just get over so easily.” 

 

Castiel scoffed. “You're defending him?” 

 

Charlie shook her head. “Hell no. But I get where he's coming from. Dorothy…. You remember her right?” 

 

Castiel nodded, his mind ran back to just a year ago. 

 

Dorothy had been someone that Charlie had been with for nearly five years, they were going to get married before Dorothy ended things with Charlie out of the blue and up and left town. 

 

Charlie had been heartbroken for nearly a month. She wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't move. She didn't even talk to anyone. 

 

“Dorothy didn't cheat on you. She didn't verbally abuse you, make you feel like shit, she didn't make you regret your life…” Castiel took a deep breath, all those nights that he felt worthless after what Bartholomew would tell him. 

 

_ You're nothing  _

 

_ No one likes you  _

 

_ No one will love you the way that I do _

 

_ You're lucky to have me  _

 

_ Everyone hates you _

 

Charlie turned towards him with an eyebrow raised. 

 

“Cas… Why didn't you----" 

 

“I had all of you. Dean. He was always by my side. He was my anchor. Always bringing me back. Anyway, Dorothy was  _ good  _ for you and to you.” 

 

“I won't deny that. She was nothing but good to me. I know I shouldn't compare the two situations because they're not the same. But I have a feeling that Bartholomew isn't going to let you go. Not when you're with Dean. The two of them had always been at odds. Dean didn't trust him and Bartholomew hated how close the two of you were. Just watch out okay?” 

 

Castiel went to open his mouth, he shuts it when Dean came back out with his glass and a bottle of beer. 

 

“You alright?” Dean asked when he noticed  the expression on Castiel's face. 

 

“Yeah. Yeah. Everything is just fine.” 

 

                                         ♡

 

A week passed before Castiel saw Anael again. It had been on his normal Monday caffeine fix, because apparently only on Monday's did his favorite coffee shop brew his favorite blend of coffee and he always looked forward to it. 

 

The woman had shown up to the coffee shop while he was sitting at the table. She had seemed startled walking into the coffee shop and he didn't know why.   

 

He doesn't know if it was by coincidence or what but he's kind of glad that she did. He waved her over when he catches her in the line. 

 

“I actually had hoped to see you again,” Anael said, she blew the top of her mug, cooling the scalding liquid. 

 

“Really?” Castiel smiled a tiny bit, he wasn't the only one thinking about the other. 

 

“Yeah. I mean, just because you and Bart had broken up doesn't mean that we couldn't continue to hang out. You were someone that I was close with and someone that I saw as more than my big brother's current boyfriend. You were family to me. When you and Bart broke up and we lost touch, I was heartbroken over that.” 

 

Anael looked down, hurt filled her eyes. 

 

“Dean and everyone else had wanted to minimize my contact with Bartholomew after we broke up and they were right to do so. But I shouldn't have minimized my contact with you as well. And if you wish, I wouldn't mind hanging out again. The group wouldn't mind having you around again.” 

 

Anael smiled, glancing back up at Castiel. 

 

“I did miss all of you.” 

 

“And we missed you. I'm sure they Dean does too, he's mentioned it a few times.” 

 

Anael’s face lit up. “Really?” 

 

“Yes.” Castiel chuckled. “If I remember right, you and him did hit it off a few times with your shared interest about… what was it again?” 

 

“Cars. He had never met a chick that into cars as I was.” 

 

“He considered you a best friend.” 

 

“And I did as well.” Anael’s bright expression faltered “I'm sorry for what my brother put you through. I tried to stop it. You know that I did. I should have pushed harder. Maybe he wouldn't have, maybe you guys could have worked things out.” 

 

“Bartholomew was my first love.” 

 

“But he wasn't your last. You really do love Dean don't you?” 

 

“I do. I'm happy with him Anael.” 

 

Anael placed a hand over his. She gave it a slight squeeze. “I'm happy for you.” 

 

“Hey, so Sam and Max are throwing some little pre-engagement engagement slash birthday party Saturday night at Dean's place. He still lives in the same apartment as he did three years ago and it starts at eight. You should stop by and meet the Bane twins.” 

 

“The Bane twins? Max was the one that I saw with you that day?” 

 

Castiel nodded. “And his twin sister, Alicia who's actually dating Charlie.” 

 

“Charlie and Dorothy broke up?” 

 

“Oh yeah. Awhile back. Alicia makes her happy. The same way that Max makes Sam happy. Everyone is happy now.” 

 

“Well, that's just great. I can't wait to meet them and hopefully Max's opinion on me wasn't tainted by my brother.” 

 

“Max knows everything that happened with me and Bartholomew. He's not exactly thrilled about it but you had nothing to do with that. And I'll let him know that.” 


	7. Chapter 7

“So did you and Anael have a nice talk and is she coming or what?” Dean's cooking them dinner, after Castiel had left Anael and the coffee shop he couldn't help but call Dean up and tell him what had happened. 

 

“She's coming to the party on Saturday and she really wants to get to know the twins. Even after I told her that they know the truth about everything between me and Bartholomew, right down to who she is.” 

 

Dean turned the stove down on low. “And  she's not worried? Or scared? Max can be intimidating.” 

 

Dean took a seat next to Castiel at the table. 

 

“I think she can handle Max. Anael can't be easily scared. You remember how she use to be. Anael is a strong person.” 

 

“And Max can be scary. Maybe the two of them will be great friends.”

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Oh goodness no. That would be the--- I would be afraid to see that.”

 

“It could either be super fun, or super scary, depending on just how well the two of them get along.” 

 

Castiel curled next to Dean. “Maybe. I mean as long as she's my friend again, I'm okay with that.” 

 

                                          ♡

 

Saturday came a bit quicker than Castiel actually wanted. That morning he had woken up to the sound of Dean's voice singing, to his surprise very well, into the phone for Max and Alicia. It was something that Dean did on everyone's birthday. Castiel recalled on his last year, that he had been completely woken up by the video call by not only Dean's singing but Sam's as well. He had smiled, thanked them and had been treated to a wonderful and very relaxing birthday dinner that night.  

 

“And have a wonderful day!” Dean finished off into the camera of his phone. Dean ended the call, just as Castiel sat up in the bed and leaned over to press a soft kiss to Dean's back. 

 

“I did want to say happy birthday to the twins. Is Alicia over at Max's already?” 

 

Dean turned over, he pulled Castiel on top of him. Dean wrapped his arms around Castiel's torso, holding him close to his chest.

 

“She showed up before seven in the morning, knocking on the door. It was her first birthday without her brother being in the same household. She kind of missed it. Sam didn't mind it though. At least that's what he said, but I know my brother. He had something planned for the two of them that I'm sure Alicia interrupted.” 

 

Castiel ground down against Dean, feeling the other man's erection through his boxers, it earned him a low moan from Dean.

 

“Do we have time for this?” Dean questioned. 

Castiel glances over at the clock on Dean's side of the bed. It was only eight in the morning. They didn't have to be to the party until seven tonight and Castiel didn't have to meet with Charlie for the rest of the prep until at least noon. 

 

He had plenty of time. 

 

“Oh sweetheart. We have plenty of time for that.” 

 

Castiel leaned down, he kissed Dean soundly. 

 

They had a couple of hours to completely wake up. 

 

                                           ♡

  
  


Castiel met up with Charlie five minutes before noon at her place. The streamers, balloons and whatever else were strewn across the floor and couch. Charlie was sitting in the middle of a pile of ribbons. 

 

“Blue is her favorite color, what's Max’s? He never told me and I can't find my phone to text Sam to ask him...do you know it?” 

 

Castiel shook his head, grinning a little bit before he shrugged out of his coat and sat down next to Charlie on the cold tile. 

 

“Before you have a heart attack, his favorite color is blue, weird I know but it must be that twin thing. And we're going to get all this done okay? Both Alicia and Max will love what you did for their birthday and his engagement party. I'm gonna make sure of that. We're gonna make sure of that. Got it?” 

 

Charlie placed some of the red ribbons down on the ground. “Okay, you're right. You're absolutely right about that. We're gonna give them the best party that they've ever had. We're gonna rock this!”

 

Castiel loved her enthusiasm, he actually needed some of it right about now because tonight could either go over extremely well or extremely horribly. He hadn't exactly told anyone aside from Dean that he had invited Anael to the party. 

 

“Alright so what are we doing with these? Bows or what?” 

 

“Bows. Some of them and the others just make into some obscure shapes. I want this to be special.” 

 

“I want them to enjoy this. Especially since Sam doesn't know about the engagement part of the party.”

 

“It's going to be spectacular and I can't wait.” 

 

Castiel looked down at the ribbons in his hand, smiling weakly to himself. 

 

“Yeah. Me too.” 

 

                                           ♡

 

By nine, the party is in full swing. Sam had been just as surprised as Max and Alicia about everything and he thanked everyone who helped out. Dean was surrounding his brother the entire night, happy that Sam was getting married, even more happy that it was to Max, someone he adored. 

 

Charlie had Alicia wrapped in her arms, leaving kisses down her neck. 

 

Castiel stayed towards the door, he checked through the peephole every few seconds for Anael. He wanted to make sure the situation doesn't escalate quicker than it was supposed to. 

 

There's a knock on the door that Castiel answered before anyone else has the chance. 

 

He smiled when Anael says hi, walking into the room and that smile quickly faltered when he sees who was behind her.

 

Bartholomew. 

 

“What is he doing here?” Castiel kept his eyes on Anael, his heart sped up quicker than it was before and it wasn't because of all the alcohol.

 

This is just what he was trying to avoid. 

 

“When Anael told me that it was an engagement party for Sam, I couldn't miss this. He and my sister were close in school, close even after. He was like a brother to me. I just want to show my support.” 

 

Castiel's eyes flick towards Bartholomew, something unreadable in his eyes. 

 

“If they see you here, you could, I don't want a fight. Everyone hates you after what you did to me.” 

 

Bartholomew stepped forward, he reached out a hand towards Castiel. Bartholomew grabbed his hand and Castiel wanted to pull away, knew that he should. 

 

But he couldn't. 

 

_ I love you more than anything in this world, but you… the way that you act is what makes me upset. I've never known someone to be as stupid as you are. How can you expect me to bbn deal with this when you do the things that you do?  _

 

“Get your hands off of him!” Dean's voice cut through Castiel's thoughts, ripping him away from the sudden flashbacks that the was thrust into. He pulled his hand away from Bartholomew just as Dean's arms come to rest around his waist. 

 

“Look, Dean. I don't want to start any problems.” 

 

The music had stopped, most of the guests were watching them now. Castiel turned red under the watchful eyes. 

 

“Then you shouldn't have come here. You knew better than to come to a party with people that hate you.” 

 

Bartholomew turned to Castiel, who looked anywhere but at Bartholomew. 

 

“I just want to give my congratulations to Sam. We all were friends once upon a time.” 

 

Sam stepped next to Castiel, anger radiated off his body. Castiel can see the larger man shaking. 

 

“Then we found out just who you really were. We know what you told Cas. How you treated him, how you hurt him.” Sam spews the words, his hands balled into fists. Max is beside him, holding him back.

 

“I never hit him.” 

 

“We didn't say that you did. The verbal abuse, that still affected him. That still hurt him.” Charlie added. “We were there. We picked up the pieces.” 

 

Bartholomew swallowed hard, “I'm not that guy anymore. I got help after we broke up. I shouldn't have taken my issues with my father out on him, I shouldn't have became that man but I am not like that anymore.” 

 

Castiel shook his head, tears streamed down his face. He knew, this whole time about the kind of man that Anael and Bartholomew's father is, but that that still wasn't an excuse. 

 

“I need to leave. I need some fresh air.” Castiel stated, he removed Dean's hand from his waist. 

 

“Want me to come with you?” 

 

“No...no I need to be alone, just everyone forget this, forget about everything and go back to celebrating. This is a party after all.” 

 

Castiel gave Dean a small kiss on the cheek before he ran out, he needed to get away. 

 

                                      +

 

Castiel saw Bartholomew when he reached the lamp post outside of Charlie's building. Whether he had followed him or what, Castiel didn't  care, can't care. He just needed to get as far away from him as possible. 

 

He spotted Dean's car, thankful for all the times like this that he made a spare key that he promised to tell Dean about one day. He pulled the key out of his pocket, he hopped into the driver's seat and cranked up baby. 

 

“Cassie!” Bartholomew shouted, “Cassie don’t.” 

 

Bartholomew was standing at the passenger side of the impala, he leaned down into the window. 

 

“Hey. Hey. You're upset. You shouldn't be driving. Get out the car and go back upstairs. Go to Dean.” 

 

“You don't know what I'm feeling, you have no idea. Now move, or the car will move you.” 

 

Bartholomew stepped back, there's a hint of sadness on his face that Castiel quickly shakes off. He doesn't care, he just needs to get out of here. 

 

Castiel pressed down on the gas,  not caring at the moment that most likely Dean will have his ass in the morning about the damage to his baby. 

 

There's tears that cloud his vision, he doesn't see it, doesn't see the other car until it's too late. He didn't think much about it when the other car hits him head on, his entire life flashes before his eyes. 

 

Bartholomew…

 

Dean…..

 

Bartholomew and the sorrow in his eyes…

 

Dean and the anger in his…..

 

The last thing that he heard, the last voice he heard was Bartholomew's calling his name. 


	8. Chapter 8

**May 2nd**

 

There were only a few things in this world that truly made Dean's heart stop: The day that his brother had fallen out of the big oak tree in their backyard when Sam was only three, the time that his mother caught him masturbating with a picture of some blond, busty woman that Dean had found in his father's secret stash and now, as he stood in on the outside of Castiel's hospital room while the doctor spoke to Charlie about what happened. 

 

“He was it, head on. The impact of the other vehicle, it caused damage to his brain. The hippocampus to be exact and as you know, it's the part of the brain that stores memories---" 

 

“No, I didn't  _ know  _ that doctor.” Charlie seethed, out of the corner of his eye Dean could see the redhead getting furious over the doctor and his need to talk down to Charlie and him. Doctor Smith had been like that since the moment that Dean had come downstairs to see not only in his car In ruins but the man that he loved being pulled from the wreckage by Bartholomew. 

 

Dean had been shocked, not knowing what he was seeing. All his mind was telling him was that Castiel was injured and Bartholomew was there with him. 

 

Dean saw red, pulling Bartholomew up by the shoulders and punching him until he had been stopped by Charlie. 

 

“Ms Bradbury. I get that you're upset.” 

 

“No. I'm pissed off because you're speaking to me like I'm some imbecile. All I want to know is if my friend is okay. He hasn't woken up since the accident, not even a flutter of his eyelids. What the hell is wrong with him? That's all I want to know.” 

 

The doctor sighed. “He has severe injury to his brain, I won't know the extent of it until he wakes up. If he wakes up.” 

 

Tears streamed down Dean's cheek and before Dean knew it, he can hear Charlie crying. 

 

“No. Okay. No! He  _ will  _ wake up. He has to. It was a car accident, one that he survived. Not many people get that lucky but he did. He survived it and he's gonna wake up and when he does, he'll remember who we are. His friends, his family. He's gonna remember us.” 

 

Dean turned around, his eyes turned away from Castiel to move towards Charlie. He wrapped his arms around her as he pulled her close to his chest. 

 

“Hey. It's going to be okay. Alright? We ain't losing Castiel. Not for nothing in the world do you understand me?” 

 

Charlie nodded against Dean's shoulder. 

 

“How are you so calm?” Charlie asked when she pulls back, her tear stained cheeks are flustered red. 

 

“I'm dying inside Charlie. There's even the slightest chance that I won't have him back? I'm trying to be strong for all of you.” 

 

“You don't need to. If you want to break down and cry then do it. We won't stop you. But you need to let those emotions out, don't hold them in.” 

 

Dean shook his head. Charlie was right, she always was but he can't bring himself to break down just yet. 

 

“I'll call Sam so he can take you home. You need some rest.” 

 

“And what about you?” 

 

“What about me? I'm not leaving this hospital until Cas does.” 

 

“Dean, you need some rest. You've been here all night. You haven't slept since they admitted him.” 

 

Dean's jaw clenched he turned back towards Castiel's room. How can he sleep when someone that he cares about was fighting for his life? 

 

“Sam will be here in a moment. I'm not leaving Charlie. Not until he wakes up.” 

                                       ×

 

It's two weeks until Dean can actually sleep again. Two weeks of sitting by Castiel's bedside, two weeks of him holding the man that he loves hand and reassuring that everything will be okay. They will come out of this on top and happy. 

 

Two weeks of worrying. 

 

Bartholomew and Anael had stopped by in those two weeks, not that Dean had allowed him to see him but in honesty it wasn't his choice. 

 

He wasn't family. He didn't have a say in the matter but Castiel's older brother Lucifer did, he and Bartholomew were the best of friends and when he had came down to tend to his brother, he allowed Bartholomew to see him. 

 

It was actually that day that Bartholomew had visited that Castiel had woken up. 

 

“I don't know what you did, I don't really care but you… I don't know really if you did anything but he. Thank you.” Dean says. He and Bartholomew are standing side by side while the doctors examine Castiel. 

 

“I know that I hurt him in the past and I've been trying to make up for that. I just want him to be okay, to be happy.” 

 

“Then you should let him go. He is happy, with me in his life. If you hadn't been at the party that night he wouldn't have gotten angry, he wouldn't have left and this wouldn't have happened to him. We wouldn't be here right now.” 

 

Bartholomew looked  down, eyes focused on the ground. 

 

“Don't you think I know that? I felt horrible the moment that it happened. I tried to get him out of the car but he wouldn't budge. You know how stubborn he can be.” 

 

There's silence, both men stared at Castiel through the window to his room. The nurse had just finished up with his vitals, checking his blood pressure and whatever else needed to be done. The moment that she's done she walked out to both men.

 

“How is he?” Dean questioned  “Is he okay?” 

 

The nurse frowned, going through her papers. 

 

“There was some damage. But I'm not at liberty to disclose that information. The doctor shall be in shortly with answers. But I wouldn't advise going to his room. Not right now.” 

 

Dean watched her walk away. 

 

Why? Why couldn't he see Castiel? 

 

What was so bad that he couldn't see his best friend? His partner? 

 

Didn't didn't want to think about it. His heart couldn't take it, but his mind worked fast. 

 

The doctor telling him that Cas didn't make it. 

 

Dean gripped the edges of his jacket with his fingers. 

 

No. 

 

                                             *

 

Retrograde Amnesia. 

 

Dean wasn't sure that he was hearing this right. 

 

Of all the things to happen to Castiel, to them. This had to have been the one that Dean was not expecting. 

 

Castiel had amnesia. 

 

“We can't tell the extent of it right now but from what we do know, he can't remember what year it is or who the current president is. He doesn't even know his own name at the moment. What he did tell us, however is that he can recall someone pulling him from the wreckage of the accident. He doesn't know the man but wishes to meet him to thank him.” 

 

Dean looked over at Bartholomew. He's trying to hide a smile covering his face and it's not really working. Dean still wants to punch him in the face. 

 

“I was the one.” Bartholomew stepped forward. A smug expression on his face as he talked to the doctor. “He doesn't remember anything or anyone right? But he remembers me?” 

 

The doctor nodded. “He remembers someone pulling him out of the car. It's strange that he can remember that. Though we are performing tests. Anyway,  Are you his partner?” 

 

“No.” Dean said quickly. Dean placed a hand on Bartholomew's shoulder, he stopped him before he can say anything to the unsuspecting doctor. “I am. I'm his boyfriend. This man is his ex, an ex that shouldn't be anywhere near him. He's not safe for Castiel.” 

 

“I understand that, and really, sir until a family member appears no one can see Mr. Novak. I was informed that his brother and sister were on their way here. A Mr. Lucifer Holland and Hanna Novak. Once the family members arrive they can make the necessary call. Until then, please let Mr. Novak rest. Visiting hours will be ending soon.” 

 

Dean looked into the hospital room, watched as Castiel slept. He doesn't remember any of them, doesn't remember his friends or his family. 

 

He doesn't remember his life. 

 

He doesn't remember Dean. 

 

                                          *

 

A few days pass before Castiel is able to come home and it's Hannah that's in the hospital room when Dean arrives.  She barely spared him a glance. 

 

“Maybe this was for the best.” Hanna said once all of Castiel's belongings are packed up. “He was, the relationship between the two of you, his friendship with all of you was nothing but a bad influence on my brother.” 

 

“We were his friends, are his friends. We've done nothing but nice things for him. Bartholomew…. You know what he did to Cas.” 

 

Hannah sighed. “That much I do, but at the moment none of you shall see him. Not until Lucifer and I decide when it's the right time.” 

 

“And when will that be Hannah? Until he remembers who we are exactly and then you can't keep him locked up in your home?” 

 

“I am doing what's best for my brother. Right now he barely remembers his own name. Let alone you and Bart. Or any of your little friends. When I feel like he's up to it, then you'll know when you're able to see him.” 

 

“You can't do that to. You can't keep us away from him.” 

 

“I'm his family, yes I can.” 

 

                                            ♡

 

“She can't do that!” Charlie paced around her apartment almost a day later. Dean had attempted to stop by Hannah’s place only for her to shut the door in his face. “She can't keep him away from his friends. We've basically been his family since high school. They didn't want anything to do with him and now that he can't remember who he is, they suddenly want to be family.” 

 

“Like she said. She has authority over him. She's his family. We're not. There's nothing we can do. I don't like it, I don't like it one bit but I can't do anything about it.” 

 

Charlie collapsed against the chair, she crossed her arms across her chest. “We have to do something. Especially with Lucifer around. He and Bartholomew are the best of friends. He was upset when the two of them broke up. He'll try and push them back together. We can't let that happen.” 

 

“Lucifer knew what his best friend did to his brother. I doubt even he's that heartless.” 

 

“You're going to put that past Luci? Really? Given him a chance at it, he'll have the two of them back together in no time at all.” 

 

Dean swallowed hard. That's not what he was expecting. He knew it, he had a feeling but he didn't want to admit it to himself at first. Lucifer was that kind of person, he would try and get them back together, he would make sure that Castiel knew that he loved Bartholomew. Hanna, Hanna wasn't like that. She wouldn't let that happen. Not to her baby brother.

 

Or would she? 

 

“They won't do that. They know the story about what Bartholomew did to him. They know about the years of emotional abuse. Would they really let him back in Castiel's life?” 

 

Charlie rolled her eyes. “Lucifer is a dick, Hannah isn't any better than her brother. Who knows what's going on in their head.” 

 

“I doubt that. We… we just have to be patient okay. I can do that much. I can wait to see if this passes. Even if it doesn't, however. I will be back in Castiel's life. That much I can guarantee.” 

 

“We all will. She's not gonna get away with keeping him from us. Have you tried getting in contact with his parents? I don't think that they know about the accident or Lucifer or Hannah coming down here and taking full control over their youngest son.” 

 

Dean shook his head. “Even if Cas can't remember me I doubt that he would he happy about me getting in contact with his parents. There was a reason that he left them, that he hadn't spoken you them in years. You know that Charlie.” 

 

Charlie sighed. “Hannah and Lucifer are dicks.” 

 

“I know that. There's not much we can do about it, not right now anyway.” 

 

“Says who? I can just go down there and beat them myself.” 

 

“And then what good would that do with you locked up? It'll show Cas that we're not good people and whatever Lucifer and Hanna fills his mind with, we have to be the bigger person in this situation.” 

 

Charlie rested her head against Dean's shoulder. “I don't want to lose him.” 

 

Dean wrapped his arms around Charlie, held her close. “We won't. I can guarantee that.” 

 

                                          ♡

 

Dean laid in bed that night, his phone in hand as he watches videos of him and Cas during their vacation in New York. 

 

The laughter, the happiness.

 

He wondered if he could just show this video to Cas to see if it rings any bells and help him regain his memories. 

 

Dean scrolled through his contacts, his thumb hovering over Castiel's name. He's tempted to just call him up and ask if he wants to meet up, though he's not entirely sure how well that would go over with someone that doesn't even remember him. 

 

Dean decided against it. He turned his phone off and placed it on his bedside table. Later, he makes a note, he’ll stop by and see if they allow him to see Castiel. In the meantime, he needed a distraction and fixing up his baby could be just the one that he needs right now.

 

                                          ♡ 

 

His car had been towed the night of the accident. At the time he didn't bother to go and get whatever was left of the car out and Sam had did it for him. 

 

She now sst in Bobby's junkyard so he can assess the damage that has been done. 

 

“She ain't that bad.” Bobby Singer said as he wiped his grease covered hands on the towel that hung off his shoulder. 

 

He doesn't mention Castiel. 

 

Bobby had been a long time family friend of theirs, almost like a father to him and Sam. Dean respects the fact that he hadn't bought up that night. 

 

“She's missing the front end, the doors are basically ripped off the hinges. She was in better shape when Sam stole her when he was sixteen and wrapped her around a tree.” 

 

Dean and Bobby walk around the car, inspecting the damage. 

 

It would take a long time to get baby back to her former glory. 

 

“This ain't nothing for you Dean. I'm sure that you can handle it. Plus, whatever you need is right here in this junkpile. Help yourself.” 

 

Bobby claspsed a hand on Dean's back, a sorry smile crossing his face. “If you need anything you just call me okay? I'll be right in the house talking to Rufus about something. There's beer in the fridge and some leftovers on the stove if ya want it. Make sure you eat something today. Don't need you passing out on me in the blazing hot sun.” 

 

“Yeah, thanks Bobby.” Dean chuckled, looking as Bobby heads into the house before turning his attention back to his car. 

 

He did have a lot of work to do. 

 

He just didn't know where to start first. 


	9. Chapter 9

The sun is about to set by the time that Dean finished removing the damaged parts of his car. He wiped the grease on his shirt, chuckled to himself when he realizes that if Castiel had seen him do that, he wouldn't hear the end of how he doesn't have shirts because of stupid acts like that. 

 

_ “That's how you ruined the last five shirts I bought you, remember that? Brand new and with out grease stains and grass stains….” _

 

_ “And come, don't forget that too…”  _

 

_ Castiel rolled his eyes. “Anyway, you need to take better care of your shirts unless you want to walk around naked all the time.”  _

 

Dean had pulled him into a kiss right after he said that. It was also the first blow job that Castiel had given him. 

 

“Woah what happened there?” 

 

Dean froze when he hears a familiar voice, the familiar drawl singing in his ears. 

 

Dean turned around, a wide grin crossing his face. “Benny Lafitte?” 

 

The man standing in front of Dean smiled, “That's right. Hey Dean. Anyway, what's happened with your precious baby? Ya got mad at her?” 

 

Dean shook his head. “Nah. She uh, had kind of an accident a while back. What are you doing here? I haven't seen you since high school.” 

 

Benny shrughed. “Thought I'd come back to town. I missed it here ya know. This is my home after all.” 

 

“But if I recall, you left because you hated this honky-tonk town. What was it that you said? Oh, if you can walk through the streets during the day it ain't right.” 

 

“That was an over exaggeration I might have made. Anyway, it's good seeing ya.” 

 

“When did you come back? I hadn't seen you around and Elizabeth didn't say anything about you being here.” 

 

Benny walked towards whatever is left against the impala. He ran a hand along the top of the car. 

 

“Elizabeth don't know I'm here yet. I just arrived this morning. I needed some parts for my truck. Thought I'd stop off at Bobby's before breaking down on the side of the road. What are you doing here? Besides fixing her up. I thought you liked to work on your baby in the comfort of your own home?”

 

“I live in an apartment now, ain't really no room for her there. Hey, the sun is about to set, I've got Sam's car and some extra cash burning in my pocket. Raileys? Drinks on me?” 

 

Benny grinned. “Ah, you must've read my mind Dean. Maybe we can catch up as well. I've got some stories to tell you and I need to hear all about you and Lisa.” 

 

Dean turned red in the face, looking away. 

 

“We really do have a lot to catch up with.” 

 

                                          ♡

 

“Wait, wait. He doesn't remember any of you? Like at all?” Benny's on his third drink, Dean on his fourth. Railey’s had been their go to place in high school, even though they couldn't drink just yet, the owner, Doug still allowed them to hang out in a booth in the back. Dean and his group of friends were the only ones that never caused him any trouble. 

 

“Not at all. Hannah and Lucifer, they won't let us see him until they think it's the right time and god, I hate it. What if he falls in love with someone else? What if he falls back in love with  _ Bart _ .” Dean said the name with disgust. He really doesn't want that to happen. 

 

“Hey. You're kind of hard to forget. And this Bartholomew, I barely remember who he is right about now. Whose kid was that again?” 

 

Dean downed the last of his beer. “Naomi's. The woman who accused you, a eighteen year old of trying to seduce her husband and steal her family away from her.” 

 

The two burst out laughing. That had been the weirdest summer of their lives. 

 

“Right. The crazy chick that my dad had to call the cops on because she was determined I wanted her husband.” 

 

Dean quirked an eyebrow. “Well, did you?” 

 

“Nah. Brunettes weren't my type. Still ain't if I'm being honest. She was just paranoid.” 

 

There's silence. 

 

Neither spoke until Benny stared at Dean. 

 

“How ya doing? I mean really and not just a act that you're putting on for everyone.” 

 

Dean sighed, his fingers played with the rim of the now empty beer bottle. “I'm miserable. If I'm being honest. Everyone can see it and they're just walking on eggshells around me. But I'm hurting Benny. I miss him. I really do. I mean you know me. You know how I am.”

 

“I do. And I know that you won't just let this go quietly into the night. That's your boy. You ain't gonna let anyone else have him. Not as long as you're breathing anyway. Don't let them tell you what to do. You were there in his life, you're more of a family then they are.” 

 

Dean grinned. “You're right. You're absolutely right.” 

**June 23rd**

Benny stuck around a little longer than Dean thought he would, moving in with Elizabeth and hanging out with Dean and his friends though he didn't do much of it in high school. Benny was the only friend that Dean had that wasn't inclusive in his group. 

 

Everyone fell in love with him anyway, except for Charlie who didn't trust him around Dean. She didn't enjoy the way that he looked at Dean, the way that his hand lingered on his shoulder or the looks that he gave him. 

 

In her mind, she believed that Benny wanted much more than friendship from Dean. 

 

And despite all of that, Dean couldn't help but laugh. They never saw each other as anything more than friends. Nothing more or nothing less than that. She was worried over nothing. 

 

The time passing had been unbearable, weighing on all of them but they all trooped through it. 

 

They worked, hung out and partied but Castiel never wavered from their minds. 

 

It was a Friday, they were celebrating Sam and Max finally settling on a date for their wedding after their May date fell through. No one wanted to celebrate after what happened with Castiel and they decided to push everything back. 

 

“Are you sure you wanna do it at Christmas? I mean isn't that cutting it a little close to Eileen's anniversary?” Alicia questioned. The girl picked up Charlie's drink, downing whatever was left in the glass. 

 

Max took Sam's hand in his own. “I'm sure that he doesn't want to wait again until his next birthday comes around. And hopefully by that time….” 

 

Max didn't finish the sentence. Everyone already knows what he's going to say. 

 

“Anyway!” Charlie quickly said, deterring the conversation. “Benny. You knew Dean back in the day even when we didn't know about you. I mean I saw you, hanging around the school and whatever but we didn't really hang out. How did you know him? Where did the two of you even meet?” 

 

Benny cleared his throat. “Um, shop class. This boy could fix anything, make anything. He has very skilled hands.” 

 

Alicia choked on her drink, Sam had to look away. 

 

“What he means is that---"

 

Charlie held up a hand. “I get what he meant. But what I want to know, I see how close the two of you are. Are you interested in Dean?” 

 

Benny shook his head. “Nah. He's like a brother to me. Always have been.” 

 

Dean stared down at his hands. That was a relief. 

 

He didn't think he could handle Benny's feelings for him right about now.  Not on top of everything that had been going on.

 

Dean stood up, looking around the table. “Who here needs another round?” 

 

Most of the hands shot up. “Alright I'll be back with the drinks.” 

 

He walked silently towards the bar, smiling when the bartender gives him a smirk. 

 

It's much too early to move on. That much is sure and really, Dean isn't sure that he would want to.  

 

Castiel was it for him. 

 

Dean pulled out his phone; scrolled to Hannah's number and decided enough is enough. 

 

**To Hannah || 10:09 PM**

 

**I wanna see Cas. I don't care what you and Lucifer say. I want to see him. If I have to find your parents to do so then I will**

 

He locked the phone back and stuffed it into his back pocket. In the morning, if she choose to respond, he'll have his answer about whether or not he can see his boyfriend again. 

 

**July 4th**

 

For a few months, Castiel had been told a few things: 

 

**His name is Castiel Novak.**

 

**He was born September 18th 1988.**

 

**Hannah is his sister, his baby sister.**

 

**Lucifer is his older brother.**

 

**He works for Sandover Financial. Has for the last eight years.**

 

**Bartholomew, Bartholomew is the one that saved him and his current boyfriend.**

 

That last part had been told to him by Lucifer constantly since he came home. It didn't sit well with him, it just didn't seem right but he didn't say anything. He didn't know who he was at the moment, maybe he was just confused. 

 

He really didn't know but these people were his family, they wouldn't lie to him. 

 

He also wrote a list, alongside what he had been told and what he remembers after the accident. 

 

**His name really is Castiel Novak.**

 

**There was a blonde man at the hospital.**

 

**His name is Dean, he found a picture of him when he had gone to his apartment for clothes. As much as Hannah wanted him to wait in the car.**

 

**Bartholomew acts sketchy around him.**

 

**Anael, Bartholomew's sister always cries when she sees him**

 

“Hey, do you wanna help is with the burgers? We need someone to just watch them while I head out to grab some beer.” Lucifer asked Castiel who basically stared at the television. There's really nothing interesting on but some of the children of the relatives that had stopped by are into the brightly colored foods that are dancing on screen. They've all been kind to him. The kids, not really understanding why their uncle didn't remember their names simply sat with him, showing him their favorite things and trying to help him remember good times. 

 

“Are you sure I'm up to that?” Castiel quirked an eyebrow towards his brother who just grins back at him. There is a playfulness that felt familiar to Castiel. He didn't know the extent of his relationships with most of his siblings but they've all been positive so far, he loves them and they love him. 

 

“I see that little smart ass grin of yours hasn't gone away. Even if you can't fully remember it. Plus you're just making sure that they don't burn. You can do that much can't you?” 

 

The tone was condescending and it doesn't sit well with Castiel. He didn't like being talked to like that. However, he kept his mouth shut. He didn't want to start any trouble. 

 

“Who's at the grill now?” 

 

“Samandriel. He's twenty-one but I don't trust that boy to man the grill by himself. The last time he did, he nearly burned down the house.” 

 

“Samandriel is…” 

 

“Our younger brother.  Now, are you gonna go or what?” 

 

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Fine. Hey. Can you bring me back some hard cider instead? I'm not much of a beer person.”

 

Lucifer stared at him, eyes filled with a light that Castiel hadn't seen since he came home. 

 

“What?” Castiel asked. “Did I say something wrong?” 

 

Lucifer shaked his head. “No. It's not that. It's just, hard cider is your favorite thing to drink. You remembered that.” 

 

Castiel looked down, he doesn't even know how he remembered that. The words just came out of his mouth without much thought. 

 

“I still remember your favorite brand. I'll bring it back for you.” 

 

Castiel nodded, getting to his feet and walked towards the back of the house. 

 

It's loud outside, the music blaring and most of his family is dancing on a makeshift dance floor. Hannah was sitting on the bench near the tree next to the pool, watched as a few people pushed each other around and he spotted Samandriel at the grill, a confused expression on his face. 

 

Castiel walked casually over to his baby brother. 

 

“Lucifer asked me to help you out while he's on a beer run.” 

 

Samandriel frowned, he placed the tongs on the side of the grill. He pinched the bridge of his nose and picked up a half empty beer can. Castiel watched as he downs the rest of the beer. 

 

“He needs to stop treating me like a child. Just because he's the oldest doesn't mean anything.” 

 

Castiel just watched the younger man. He doesn't really remember much, doesn't remember much about Lucifer or the way that he treats them but he nodded in good gesture. 

 

“Don't let him get to you. I know that I can't remember much or really remember you guys but I do know that if you think you're good at something then don't let anyone deter you.” 

 

Samandriel grinned, picking the tongs back up. 

 

“You're right about that. I shouldn't care what Luci says. I know that I can do this.” 

 

Castiel patted his brother on the shoulder. “There you go!”

 

The two of them stood there for a few moments in silence, until Castiel's phone rings. He picks it up, staring down at it and Dean's name crosses the screen. 

 

**From Dean ||** I don't know if Hannah told you or not, but if you get this, I would like to see you. We were friends, more than that actually and well, we still are. I want to see you again. To talk, if we can. 

 

Castiel stared down at the message. Hannah had told him that it wasn't a good idea to speak with Dean, or anyone from before the accident. It wouldn't have been good for his memory. 

 

**To Dean:** I don't think that's a good idea right now. Give me some time please. 

 

And what did he mean by more than friends? 

 

What wasn't anyone telling him? 

 

In any case….

 

“Cassie?” Bartholomew's voice from behind him jarred him from the thoughts crossing his mind. He stuffed the phone back into his pocket and turns around. Standing there was Bartholomew, dressed in a pressed white shirt and dark jeans. His hair was hidden underneath a baseball cap. “Everything okay?” 

 

“Uh, yeah. Everything's just fine. What are you doing here?” 

 

Bartholomew's was carrying a bowl of potato salad. He sat it down on the grill stand next to Samandriel. 

 

“Hannah invited me. I mean it is a holiday and I did want to spend some time with you. We haven't really had the chance to hang out since the accident and I do miss you.” 

 

Castiel shook his head, he moved towards one of the empty benches sitting in the backyard. 

 

He took a seat, Bartholomew sat next to him. 

 

“I mean we can hang out sometime. I know that there's a bar Hanna says that I use to go to all the time and our favorite restaurant apparently.” 

 

“Sloan's Italian Bistro.”  Bartholomew said. “We went there for our first date back in high school.” 

 

“I mean if you want to go. We can make plans. I'm not doing anything next weekend.” 

 

Bartholomew smiled. “I'd love that! Maybe being there will jog some memories for you. It was your favorite place to go. We've had so many date nights there.” 

 

“Not that I remember it, but I'm sure that we can have fun there. I'm, uh, excited to go.” 


	10. Chapter 10

“Where do you think you're going?” Hannah was standing at Castiel's doorframe a week later, Saturday had been nerve wracking for Castiel. He didn't know what or why he was feeling uneasy but he had been. He's standing in his closet, trying to find a presentable shirt for him to wear to dinner. 

 

So far he had found nothing but band Tees that had been mixed in with his wardrobe when they got all of his stuff from his apartment.  

 

“I have a date tonight with Bartholomew. I just can't find anything that's right for a dinner at a seemingly fancy restaurant.” Castiel throws yet another band tee on the bed, wondering who they belonged to.

 

Hannah walked over to her brother, closing the closet door. “Hey, uh, Luci has some shirts that you can wear. They might be a bit loose but it'll be fine. And maybe we can do something about your hair.” 

 

Castiel frowned. “What's wrong with my hair?” 

 

Hannah laughs, she pulled Castiel into a hug. 

 

“Nothing, nothing at all. If anything Bartholomew loves it fluffy, always has. It's a good look for you Cassie.” 

 

                                          ♡

 

The night passed easily and quietly. Bartholomew did most of the talking and Castiel sat and listened, most of it being about his past, their past history together. 

He remembers Hannah telling him that he and Bartholomew had known each other since high school and it was nice hearing all the stories from their childhood. 

 

“I'm serious Cassie, you couldn't sit down for a week. You basically hated going outside after that. You and Mrs. Greene were mortal enemies after that year and you hated gym after that too.” 

 

Castiel smiled, he doesn't remember it, of course not however, it makes him smile just a tad bit that someone was willing to sit with him and recount his lost memories.

 

“You alright there?” Bartholomew asked sliding the bottle of wine over to Castiel who takes it graciously. 

 

“Uh. Yeah. I'm just thinking about some stuff. Everything is just fine Bart.” 

 

Bartholomew stared at him, a smirk graced his lips. Castiel stared back, wondering what he had done now. 

 

“What?” Castiel asked. 

 

“You called me Bart. You haven't called me that since we were in high school.” 

 

Castiel looked down at his hands,  a faint blush tinted his cheeks. “It's a common nickname for Bartholomew or Barry. But Barry doesn't seem to fit you all that much.” 

 

“I hated when people called me that.” 

 

“Barry? It kind of suits you, don't you think so?” 

 

Bartholomew frowned, a playfulness shone through his eyes. 

 

“Never in a million years would I want to be called that. Not even when we're old and married. Never call me Barry.” 

 

There's silence. 

 

Bartholomew looked over at Castiel who was staring right back at him. 

 

_ Old and married _

 

Was this someone that he saw himself being with forever? Though his siblings told him that Bartholomew was his boyfriend, was the one that he loved it just didn't feel right. 

 

Being with Bartholomew didn't feel right. 

 

“I didn't mean to say that. I mean we always had talks of being together forever and I know that you don't know me, or remember me at all but Cassie I'm sorry I didn't….” 

 

“It's fine. Honestly. Maybe we should pay the check and head home.” 

 

**AUGUST 31st**

  
  


Things with Bartholomew, in Castiel's eyes at least,  hadn't been good. Though Bartholomew wasn't a bad guy, he just didn't sit right with Castiel and he had a funny feeling whenever he was around him. 

 

He always felt as though something was off about Bartholomew. Like he was hiding a secret from him. 

 

No one would entertain the idea that something happened between the two of them before all of this happened. 

 

“Don't worry about it,” had been Hannahs words. She merely smiled and kissed his forehead. 

 

“Bartholomew is a great guy. He would never hurt anyone, or you know, do anything to hurt anyone.” Lucifer had been a bit on edge the moment that Castiel told him that he didn't feel right around Bartholomew and his other siblings and family members tried their best to not say anything. 

 

Something was off about all of this. 

 

**To Dean || 3: 52 am** I know that we haven't talked in a while, not my fault but I need to speak with you. If that's alright. 

 

The message went through and really, he shouldn't be waiting for a reply this early in the morning. 

 

Dean was probably still asleep. 

 

His phone buzzes a few minutes later.

 

**Dean**

 

**11:00 am** i would love to talk to you. Meet me Tomorrow? The park?

 

**Cas**

 

**11:06 am** what time 

 

**Dean**

 

**11:06 am** around noon? I have somewhere to be but I'll be able to make it then 

 

**Cas**

 

**11: 07** see u then 

 

The texts stopped after that. Castiel put his phone on the charger and tries to sleep. 

 

He has a long day ahead of him tomorrow. 

 

**September** **1st**

  
  


Dean sprayed the cologne all over his body, with Sam staring blankly at his brother as he does so. Dean  _ never  _ wore cologne. Not even when he use to smoke in high school and needed to hide the smell. Dean would rather take the punishment from their parents than wear what he considered inhumane for men to wear. 

 

“It's just Cas.” Sam said. Sam shifted on the bed, he grabbed a pillow and hugged it to his chest. “Not the pope.” 

 

“I haven't seen Cas in months. And he finally wants to talk to me. I need to know if he remembered anything. If he remembered me.” 

 

“And what if he didn't? What if this is just him telling you that nothing has changed and that Hannah and….” Sam takes a deep breath before continuing. Dean was worried, always when it came to Sam and Lucifer. He doesn't know the whole story. He just knows that ever since Dean's senior year Sam never enjoyed talking much about Lucifer or speaking to him at all. “Lucifer probably brainwashed him into thinking that you're someone obsessed with him. You can't put anything past  _ those  _ Novak's.” 

 

Dean shrugged. “I have to try okay. Even if he doesn't remember me, I have to try and get through to him or even at least talk to him.” 

 

“Just be careful okay? I don't want you to get your hopes up and then have them dashed because it's not what you thought it would be.” 

 

Dean walked over to his brother, pulled him into a hug. “Thanks Sammy, really. But I can handle this. I'll be okay.” 

 

                                         ♡

 

Dean saw Castiel sitting on the park bench when he arrives almost an hour later. His meeting with his boss Zachariah had gone a little longer than he expected and he kept sending Castiel texts letting him know that he was going to be later than he said, or where he was. 

 

The other had only responded with a series of smiley faces. 

 

It reminded Dean of before. When they were happy together. 

 

“Hey Cas… Castiel.” Dean sat down next to Castiel on the park bench, Castiel turned to him and gave him a smile. 

 

“You called me Cas.” 

 

Dean nodded. “I called you that when we were…” Dean shut his mouth, he clammed up quickly and stared out at the children playing. Castiel moved a hand towards Dean's lap, giving it a slight squeeze. “When we hung out. I mean if you don't want me to then I won't call you that again.” 

 

Castiel removed his hand, Dean frowned at the loss of contact but hoped that Castiel hadn't noticed it. It had been so long since he felt any kind of contact from Castiel. 

 

“No it's fine. Really. I prefer that nickname over Cassie. I hate when Hannah and the others call me that. It's aggravating more than anything.” 

 

Dean let out a soft chuckle. “You always did hate being called Cassie.” 

 

“How long have you known me?” Castiel stared ahead at the children playing on the playground. 

 

“Pretty much since we were in high school. We were…. are, best friends.” Dean swallowed hard, he had tried his best not to just reach out and grab Castiel's hand, to give it a squeeze and tell him that they were dating, they were in love and how much he still loves him. 

 

“I wish I could remember our friendship. If anything I wish I could remember anything at this point. Hanna and Lucifer don't really tell me much aside from what I need to know and Bartholomew, he just watches me and smiles. Even on our dates. It's weird.” 

 

Dean's head snapped forward, giving a blank stare to Castiel. “Dates?” 

 

Castiel shrugged. “I was told that he was my boyfriend and we've been going on dates. I don't feel comfortable when I'm with him and I don't know why that might be.” 

 

Dean went to open his mouth. He needed to tell him the truth about Bartholomew, he just thought, he had  _ hoped  _ that Castiel's family would be sensible enough to at least tell him what Bartholomew had put him through. 

 

“Cas. There is something that you should know about Bartholomew. Something I think that you're family has been keeping from yo----" 

 

Castiel's phone beeped, it semt Dean's words into a pause. He watched as Castiel pulled the phone out of his pocket and stared down at the message. 

 

“It's from Bartholomew. He wants me to meet him at his place right now.” Castiel pockets the phone. A grim expression crosses his features. “But I don't have to. I kind of asked you to come here and it'll be rude to just leave.” 

 

Dean shrugs. “Cas….” 

 

The phone buzzed again, this time Castiel doesn't take his phone out of his pocket. 

 

“You should go. We can always talk later.” 

 

“No, Dean if it's important then I'm sure that Bartholomew can wait.” 

 

Dean shook his head. “Is that really what you want? I mean we can always talk later. You have my number and I have yours. I can call you and text and we can meet up somewhere again.” 

 

Castiel stood,  a mix between confusion and something else on his face. “Later. Okay?” 

 

**September 18th**

 

It's nearly three weeks before Dean actually saw Castiel again and this time, it's at  _ Vickers,   _ a club that just opened up from an old boyfriend of Dean's and it was also Castiel's birthday, not that he had forgot. 

 

He had tried to text and call Castiel but each one had gone unanswered. He had been hurt but figured that perhaps Hanna or Lucifer or Bartholomew had gotten to him and told him something. 

 

Most likely a lie. 

 

Dean's was out with his friends. Charlie and Sam had convinced him that some good old partying and drinking would be perfect for him to get his mind off Castiel even for a tiny bit. 

 

“You alright Dean?” Sam placed a hand on Dean's shoulder, the moment that they had all seen Castiel with Bartholomew in the middle of the club with Bartholomew's hand wrapped securely around Castiel's neck, holding him close. He doesn't like it, whether it's the jealousy eating at him or what his mind is going to, he doesn't like it. 

 

“I just need a drink and then I'm going over there. Cas was supposed to call me a few weeks ago after our meeting in the park and he didn't. I don't know what they did but I don't like it.” 

 

Sam doesn't stop him. 

 

It's not his place. 

 

However….

 

“Don't go over there drunk Dean. You need a clear head. Cas won't know what's happening if you're suddenly loud and wasted accusing Bartholomew of something that he can't remember him doing.” 

 

Dean nodded. Sam was right. He didn't want to scare him off and make him angry with him. He'd just go over there, pretend that he had just seen them. Make sure that Castiel was safe. 

 

“Alright. Alright.” 

 

Dean instead picked up a bottle of water that Eileen had bought with her and downs it. He pretended that it was something stronger.  

 

Dean gave his brother one last look before he headed off towards the table where the two of them are seated. As he got closer, he could hear Bartholomew speaking to Castiel and he doesn't like what he's hearing. 

 

“I know that you can't remember anything Cassie but for the love of god, I'm sure you're not stupid enough to think that was a good idea. Or maybe you are, maybe that bump to the head made you more idiotic than before. Why do I even put up with you? This was supposed to be a new start for us and you're ruining it.” 

 

Dean could see Castiel not moving, his head bent low. He prayed the man wasn't crying because if he was, Bartholomew would have hell to pay for it. 

 

Dean reached them, his anger visible to anyone in a five mile radius however he tries to hold it in. 

 

Dean placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder, jarring the man and forcing both of them to turn his way. There's confusion in Castiel's eyes; anger in Bartholomew's. 

 

“Dean? What are you doing here?” Castiel asked. Anything that had been in his eyes, any hurt that Dean swore was there had vanished. 

 

“Me and the group were coming out for drinks and this club belongs to an old friend of mine. Victor. And then I saw you and well, it is your birthday. I couldn't just not come over and say happy birthday to ya.” 

 

Bartholomew rolled his eyes, pulling Castiel closer to him. “You could have called. Or sent a text.” 

 

Dean shrugged. “apparently his phone isn't working. Weird right?” 

 

Castiel coughed, he looked to the side. It gave a weird inkling that he knew it was too good to be true, that Bartholomew would jump right back into his habits given the chance. 

 

“Very.” Bartholomew said. He turned to Castiel. “I mean, it works fine for me. I just called you this morning.” 

 

Castiel's shoulders slumped, his entire body language changed instantly. “I haven't been ignoring you Dean, I know that I was supposed to call you that day but I kind of got sidetracked with Bartholomew.” 

 

Dean's eyes narrowed. His teeth clenched together and his hands balled into a fist. 

 

“Cas…” 

 

“We were having a nice time Dean. Maybe you should come back later.” 

 

Dean ran a hand through his hair. “How can you sit here, after what you did to him and pretend that nothing ever happened?” 

 

Castiel opened his mouth and the words poured out before he could even think about it. “What are you talking about Dean?” 

 

Dean ignored him, eyes still focused on Bartholomew.

 

“Shut up Dean. You don't get it. You don't understand anything that's happening between the two of us. You need to leave us alone.” 

 

“No. I do get it. You…. You, what you did to him in the past and now you're trying to make amends to him? A leopard doesn't change their spots  _ Bart.”  _

 

Next thing Dean knew Bartholomew was pushing him to the ground, trying and failing to land a punch to Dean. 

 

Dean pushed him back, switching their positions and landing a punch on Bartholomew's face. One good punch, that was he had before Sam is pulling him back and leading him out of the club. 

It certainly made him feel a hell of a lot better.

 

                                        *

 

“Dean!” Castiel's called Dean, Sam had gone back inside to get their stuff. 

 

“Not now Cas, please.” 

 

He would rather not talk to him while he was upset, he didn't know what he would say or how he would act. 

 

“No. Now. What was that back there. Why did he attack you?” 

 

Dean scoffed, he turned towards the street and watched the cars drive by. 

 

“Bartholomew is a low down dirty dog. How he's treating you, with respect and love? That's not him. Not the real him anyway. Earlier, when he yelled at you? Called you stupid? Cas….” 

 

Castiel crossed his arms. “He was just upset.” 

 

“No. Don't okay. That was the same excuse you gave before. He's an abusive asshole and he's doing that to you again, I can't sit by and let that happen again.” 

 

Castiel doesn't like what he was hearing. For the second time that night, dean had said those words and wouldn't tell Jim what he meant by that. “What are you talking about?” 

 

Dean sighed. “He was abusive towards you. Verbally anyway and it was… I'm glad it never got to the point he hit you but I can't see this happen again. Cas I can't.” 

 

“Can't what? Dean what's….” 

 

Dean pulled him into a hug. “I can't let him hurt you again. I can't stand by even though you can't remember and let him do this again. I suffered, watching you hurt for years before you left. I can't see this happen again.” 

 

Castiel returned the hug, squeezing Dean back as he does.

 

“No one will tell me anything. Not the full truth about my past and everything. Dean, just who were we together?” 

 

Dean turned his head into Castiel's shoulder. 

 

“Not tonight. But I'll tell you of you really want to know. It won't be pretty, the truth, Cas, can you handle the truth?” 

 

“I need to know it. I need to know what really happened in the past. It can possibly help me figure out why the accident happened.” 

  
  


**November**

 

Castiel left almost every day since that night in the club and he doesn't care that Hannah and Lucifer knew that he was seeing Dean and finding out the truth about his past. 

 

The first meeting that they had, Dean had taken Castiel to  _ The Roadhouse,  _ a small diner that was once their sanctuary in College, providing them with the best and cheapest food that a broke student could afford. 

 

_ “You've known Bartholomew since you were fourteen and didn't really start dating until you guys turned sixteen.”  _ Dean had begun telling him the story, telling him how Castiel had met the group and Dean, he had definitely told him about their first kiss on New Year's day. 

 

He even told him about them being a couple and the pictures that proved everything. Castiel had teared up, he had missed out getting to know this man when everyone had told him that he and Dean were nothing more than friends. 

 

Castiel didn't want to know everything at once. It would be an overload of knowledge.

 

Today though, Today he was going to a small get together at Charlie's place. The group had been thrilled to find out that Castiel was hanging out with them again. 

 

To be honest, Castiel had been happy as well to start hanging out with people that knew the truth about him. They could give him the insight into his life that his family seemed to what to have kept hidden from him. 

 

Especially about Bartholomew who Castiel hadn't called or texted though he had sent many. 

 

All of them deleted. 

 

Castiel's dressed in a plain white button up shirt and a grey slacks. He didn't know what he should bring,  _ Here I bought some flowers, sorry that I can't remember you. _ Almost didn't seem appropriate. 

 

So he ended up buying a few cases of beer and had them anxiously in his hands as Dean came by to pick him up. 

 

“Nervous?” Dean asked and Castiel scoffed. It's obvious by the point that he's making. His legs won't stop shaking. 

 

“Can you tell?” Castiel grinned.  “I don't even know why I'm this nervous. They're our friends right?” 

 

“They've always been our friends, always yours. Even when you can't remember. They won't stop. They're so happy that you're coming to this party tonight.” 

 

“I don't want to make a fool of myself.” 

 

Castiel kept his eyes focused ahead of him, the shaking still hadn't subsided but he can feel Dean's hand suddenly on his shoulder, giving him a small squeeze. 

 

“You won't. We're friends. Family even. There's nothing that you can do that will upset them. Except maybe mention Bartholomew. He's a sore subject for all of us.” 

 

                                         *

 

A redhead is the first one to pull him into a hug. Dean told him that this is Charlie, the one who first introduced them all those years ago. She's dressed in a pair of dark Jeans and a black tank. Now that Castiel looked around, even when he looks at Dean, everyone seems casually dressed. 

 

“I feel a bit overdressed now.” Castiel mentioned once Charlie pulled away. “I uh, are we going somewhere?” 

 

“We were supposed to stay here.” Charlie begins. “however if you can feel it, the air went out a few hours ago while everyone was here and now we're all heading down to the beach. But look at it this way, I'm sure there's something back there for you to change into.” 

 

She rushed off. Castiel turned to Dean. 

 

“Why didn't you tell me that we were going to the beach?” 

 

Dean smiled, he gave Castiel a small shrug.  “I didn't know. I always dress like this.” 

 

Castiel pulled at his collar. “I feel really overdressed.”

 

“Don't worry about it! I'm sure that someone here has something in their car that you can put on. Especially Max. He loves keeping spare clothes in Sam's car in case anything happens while they're out. I'll go and check with him. You'll be okay here by yourself?” 

 

Castiel looked around the small room. There's three other people in the room and neither of them are particularly watching him. He feels a bit more calm than he did before.

 

“Yeah. I'll be fine. Go on.” 

 

“I'll be right back.” 

 

Dean left, Castiel took a seat and the moment that he did, a girl with dark hair sits next to him.

 

“It's good to see you here.” She said and Castiel squinted his eyes. He had no idea who she was and he just smiles. She chuckled. “I'm Alicia. Max's sister and Charlie's other half. Even though you probably don't remember me at all.” 

 

“I don't. Sorry. But you know, that's why I came here. To see if being around you guys can jog any memories and if not, then you're my friends and we can make new ones.” 

 

Alicia laughed. “I would really love that. We didn't hang out as much before and I regret that. Maybe this time around we can get closer than before.” 

 

Castiel shook his head in agreement. “I wouldn't mind that.” 

 

Dean came back in minutes, holding a set of keys in hand. 

 

“He says the extra swimsuit is in the backseat. I'm gonna head on down and get it and then you can change. Charlie says we leave in ten.” 

 

                                          _

 

The swim trunks that Max had left little to the imagination and Castiel didn't really want to take off his slacks once they hit the beach. Everyone else had stripped down and rushed into the water. Dean was setting up the tents and everything else and Castiel had decided to stay behind and help. 

 

“You should go, get your feet wet. I've got this.” Dean was struggling with one of the large rainbow colored umbrellas. He didn't, in fact, have this and Castiel began helping Dean with his side as much as he could. 

 

“No it's fine.” 

 

“You should at least take your pants off, I mean it's a scorcher out here. I'm sure that you're burning up.” 

 

He was. There was no denying that but he didn't really want to practically be nude in front of Dean. The trunks, they weren't speedos but he didn't know what kind of person wore something so tight. 

 

Maybe if he could find a large T-shirt then he would be just fine. 

 

“I'm uh, I'm fine in this.” 

 

“The whole point of the swim trunks was to get you out of those pants. I saw them when I got them out of the car. I know what they look like. It's fine. Nothing I haven't seen before.” 

 

Castiel blushed. His cheeks suddenly felt hot under Dean's gaze and he looks away. 

 

“I'm sorry! Cas I didn't mean… I didn't mean to embarrass you...it's just that in the past, we use to uh, I uh, I saw everything and you saw everything on me and I'm not making this better am I?” 

 

“No. You're not. But um, maybe I should get out of these pants. Even for a little bit. I don't want to end up having heat stroke over this.” 

 

“I can turn around while you take them off. If you don't want me to see you take them off.” 

 

“I'll appreciate that.” 

 

Dean turned his back, and a few moments passed before Castiel told him that it's okay for him to turn back around. 

 

Dean's eyes scanned up and down Castiel's body. He doesn't feel as awkward and weird as he should having Dean stare at him but it doesn't stop him from putting his hands over his crotch. 

 

As if that would hide anything. 

 

“Maybe we should finish setting up? Some of the guys are getting out of the water and I want to get some burgers on the grill.” Dean quickly said. He turned back towards his coolers and everything else and the small portable grill that Charlie went out and bought for no reason. 

 

“You want me to handle the grill or do you have it? I mean if you want, I can… Lucifer got me really into grilling while I was staying there.” 

 

“No. I got it. You can finish setting up everything. The rest of the umbrellas and the the chairs and blankets.” 

 

Castiel gives them a thumbs up and moved to finish what Dean had left over. 

 

Every so often, Castiel would glance over at Dean and find Dean watching him as well. 

 

He felt funny inside. He knew that the two of them use to be something and he wouldn't mind exploring what past they had. Yet, he also doesn't think that he was ready for this, for being something more with a man that he didn't even remember. 

 


	11. Chapter 11

**Thanksgiving**

  
  


He should have called. It had seemed like the right thing to do because really, he still couldn't remember them and even though he does hang out with them when they call and invite him over but it still doesn't feel right that he just dropped by announced. He had heard about the dinner the last time that he hung out with Dean and he doesn't know that if that was an invite or if it meant that he was just mention it in passing. 

 

Nonetheless, he had baked some cakes and pies and wrapped everything up to bring over. He wore his best that he could find and was now waiting outside of Dean's door for someone to open it, to see if he was welcome. 

 

“You must be Castiel!” a large, Burly man was standing at the door. Castiel doesn't know who he is. Was he a friend or was he someone that lived in the building he didn't know. “Ah, Dean told me you might be stopping by! Come on in.” 

 

The man wrapped an arm around Castiel's shoulder and lead him into the room and past the guests heading towards the kitchen.

 

He found Dean over the stove, mixing something together in a pot. 

 

“Your boy is here!” The man shouted and Dean turned around with a large smile on his face. 

 

“Hey! I didn't think that you wouldn't make it! Thanks Benny.” 

 

The man, Benny, tilted his head towards Dean. He gave Dean a smile, one that's just a bit too flirtatious for Castiel's liking and he wonders what their relationship Is. 

 

Benny ends up being called and vanished out of the kitchen, that left Dean and Castiel alone. 

 

Castiel placed the pies onto the makeshift table that had been set up and moves to stand next to Dean. 

 

“What are you making?” Castiel stared into the pot but before he could get a good look in it, Dean covers the pot. 

 

“It's not ready yet. Can't even smell the seasoning yet. But once it is, it's gonna knock your socks off Cas.” 

 

Castiel just grinned. “If you say so. Anyway, I bought pie and cake. I didn't know which kind of pie you liked or cake so I baked which ones I saw in our cookbook. There's uh, cherry. Apple and pecan pie. And I made a vanilla cake with buttercream frosting along with a red velvet. I just, I think I went overboard with everything.” 

 

Dean let out a loud laugh. It causes Castiel to stare at him with confusion on his face. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Nothing. I'm not much of a cake person. Max and Charlie are though. I love pie. And the fact that you bought pie is just…. Words can't describe how I feel about it right about now.” 

 

A sigh of relief washed over Castiel. He didn't know much right now but he knew that people loved pie and cake and he was grateful he at least baked some of them, especially….

 

“Apple.” Castiel said and Dean raised  an eyebrow. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Apple pie. It's your favorite. I baked, or at least I think I baked one for you once before.”

 

Dean smiled. “My nineteenth birthday. You burned the pie but I still ate it.” 

 

A silence, it's comfortable and Castiel wishes that he could have more moments like this. 

 

“Turkey's Done!” Alicia yelled. “Let's come and Say what we're thankful for.” 

 

                                   _

 

The entire night, Dean did speak to Castiel but he noticed that Dean and Benny are talking more than he is to him. He's not jealous, shouldn't be because right now they're nothing more than acquaintances and soon on their way to friends. 

 

So he shouldn't be feeling the way that he is. 

 

“Dean, I think your drink is done.” Sam said as he sniffed the air and Dean rushed, nearly knocking back his chair. Castiel was curious and stood, followed him into the kitchen where he's was taking the pot off the stove. 

 

“So there's a drink in that pot? Something I should be worried about?” 

 

Dean smiled, he took a ladle and poured some into a cup. “It's a special brew. My own drink that I make every Thanksgiving and Christmas. You loved it, each year you would be the first one to try it out and tell me how to improve it.” 

 

Dean handed Castiel a cup. “This is from what you told me to do last year. I added a touch of ginger.” 

 

Castiel took the cup from Dean and smelled it. It really does smell good but he's not sure how it would taste. He took a small sip and suddenly his taste buds are elated, filled with a taste that he hadn't had before. It didn't taste like the…. 

 

Another memory fills his mind: 

 

_ “I mean, it's not bad Dean but you're missing something. You've made it just a bit too sweet. How about adding some ginger to it or maybe something else next year to slow the sweetness down.”  _

 

_ Dean kisses his cheek, wrapping an arm around his waist. “That coming from the sweetest guy I know. But if you think it's too sweet then I'll change it up next year.”  _

 

“It's delicious!” Castiel squeaked. “A lot better than last year. Dean you should bottle this and sell it. I love it.” 

 

Dean stared at him, “You said it was better than last year. Did you…” 

 

Castiel set the cup down on the table. “I uh, had another memory. This time we were in the kitchen and the drink, it was just a little too sweet for me and you had said…” 

 

“That coming from the sweetest guy I know.” Both men said the words at the same time and Dean couldn't keep the smile off his face. 

 

“That's two memories in one day. I guess Thanksgiving day, is lucky for us.” 

 

Castiel looked. “I guess the more time I spend with all of you, the more that starts to come back. I guess my mind really wants to remember now.” 

 

**December 14th**

 

The memories stop after Thanksgiving, not that Castiel mind because at least he remembered something, even if they were small. Dean had been supportive of it all, telling him more about those moments that he remembered in hopes that it could jog more. However, it did not and though Dean seemed a little upset by it, he didn't push the issue further. 

 

Benny had began hanging around them a lot more. Castiel didn't like it, didn't like it when Benny would wrap an arm around Dean's shoulders or place a chaste kiss on his cheek. 

 

Charlie had been the main one to notice all of the looks that Castiel would give Benny when the man wasn't looking and she couldn't help but laugh. 

 

It was adorable. 

 

“I mean, I know you can't remember and he doesn't want to push you, but if you're jealous Cas, let him know. I'm sure that he would be willing to wait however long that it takes until you get your memory back for the two of you to be together again. He does love you.” 

 

She had tagged along, Castiel wanted to buy everyone Christmas gifts and Charlie was there as a helper as well. The little hobby shop that they had gone to had been one that Castiel had passed a few times but never actually gone into, until now anyway. 

 

“I can't ask him to do that. What if I never get my memories back. Then what? I won't be the same man that he fell in love with.” 

 

“He doesn't care. How about the two of you just start over, see where it goes? He's been miserable and you seem into him. Plus, Benny, as good a guy as he is, he's been sniffing around Dean, asking him out on ‘dates’ and whatever else. I mean, I know that Dean won't do it, but still. There's a chance that he could give into Benny and you'll miss out. I'm not sure that's something that you want.” 

 

Castiel stopped in front of a small replica of the impala. Dean was still working on the repairs and Castiel helped him any time that he could. 

 

He picked it up and decides that he will buy it for Dean. He would like it, he was sure of it. 

 

“Charlie. I can't ask him to just put his life on hold for memories that might not come back and even if we start something up right now, he'll always see me as the man that he lost. I don't think that I could handle seeing the hurt in his eyes when I can't remember something on a date or he tries to get me to remember.” 

 

“He wouldn't do that. He wouldn't push you into remembering. He cares for you the same way that we all do. He just wants what's best for you.” 

 

“And you think that's Dean? That he's what's best for me?” 

 

Charlie went silent, Castiel has his answer. 

 

“I---- I don't know.” Charlie said. “Only you know the answer, the true answer.” 

 

Castiel paid for the mini replica. He would ask Dean the next time that he saw him to see what it was that he wanted. Castiel would like to see what the relationship held and he was just curious to see if Dean would feel the same way that he did. 

 

**December 19th**

  
  


The question weighed heavily on Castiel's mind since that day. He sat in his room, ignoring Lucifer and Hannah at all costs and contemplating about what he should do. 

 

He had decided, that talking to Dean as soon as possible would be the best thing for him. 

 

He had dressed his best, making sure that he looked nice for Dean and ran over the words in his mind on the drive to Dean's place. 

 

He would ask him to go on a date, ask him if being with the new Castiel was something that he would be okay with and he hoped that the answer would be yes. 

 

What he wasn't expecting however, was for the door to be open and when he entered, he didn't expect to see Dean and Benny wrapped around each other and kissing. 

 

He didn't expect for his heart to shatter. 

 

Castiel went back to his place. He ignored the calls from his sister and brother and locked his room door. He doesn't want to be disturbed. He just needs a moment to himself. Time to reevaluate why his heart hurts more than anything that he's ever had before. 

 

Why watching Dean kiss Benny was the worst thing to happen to him and that included losing his memory. 

 

Oh right. Because he was in love with him and that felt like a betrayal. 

  
  
  
  


**December 21st**

 

Dean doesn't know what he did but all he knows is that every time that he calls Castiel, It goes straight to voicemail and the text messages go unanswered. He tries to go over to his place, only to have no one answer the door. 

 

He doesn't know, really doesn't know what he did for the silent treatment from Castiel but he wants nothing more then to figure it out she get back on track with him. 

 

“You want another one?” Benny nudged a beer in Dean's direction. The two of them are sitting side by side on the couch, Benny's foot on the coffee table and Dean's eyes are fixated on the game that's playing on the television. 

 

Dean took the beer from his hand and pops it open. It's gone warm, not that he cares. He just wanted to call Castiel and see what happened. 

 

“You seem out of it.” Benny stated, he turned his own attention to Dean and there's worry in his eyes. “Everything all right? I mean after we kissed, I told you that I was sorry and I didn't mean to do it. Are ya still upset over that?” 

 

Dean took a sip of his beer, grimacing as the warm liquid makes it way down his throat. 

 

“Nah, I know you didn't mean to do it. It was an accident. You were drunk. I get that.” 

 

“Then what's on ya mind? Something is distracting you.” 

 

“It's Cas, I tried calling him and texting and I even stopped by his place but nothing. It's like he cut me off completely and I don't even know what I did. I didn't do anything as far as I'm concerned.” 

 

“Maybe call Charlie or Sam and to see if they could get with him.” 

 

Dean hadn't thought about that. 

 

His mind too focused on Castiel. 

 

“I'll call Charlie after you leave, she might have some information about why he hasn't been around and why he's been avoiding me like the plague.” 

 

Benny put an arm around Dean's shoulder, he pulled him close to his chest and placed a kiss on top of his head. “I'm sure everything will be alright.” 

 

“I hope you're right.” 

 

                                        _

 

Benny left at nine that night and the second that the door closed shut behind him Dean pulls out his phone and sent a quick text to Charlie. 

 

**To moondork: Hey, have u heard from Cas? He hasn't been returning my calls**

 

There's a few seconds in between as he waited for her to respond. 

 

**From moondork:  r u serious right now? I can't believe this >:( u should know **

 

Dean frowned. Okay, so he definitely did  _ something  _ he just doesn't know what. 

 

**To moondork: what did I do?**

 

**From moondork: Cas saw u and Benny kiss he has feelings for u and he saw u kiss Benny. He's upset**

 

The texting stopped after that. Dean doesn't want to send anymore messages to Charlie but he should definitely try and get in contact with Castiel. What he saw, that kiss had meant nothing. Benny kissed him, Benny wanted him and Dean told him that he wanted nothing more than friendship. 

 

He didn't want everything to happen like this.

 

**To Cas: Charlie told me what happened and I need u to know it wasn't what it looked like. Please. Can we talk? Let me explain.**

 

The phone beeped.  It's a message from Castiel and Dean sighed in relief. 

 

**From Cas: I know what I saw Dean, but if you want to talk, I'll listen. Meet me at the cafe next to my place tomorrow.**

  
  


Dean took that as a good sign. He doesn't think that Castiel believes him a hundred percent but it's a start on the right road to having him back in his life. 

 

**December 22** :  **Jonie’s**

 

Jonie’s cafe had been one that Dean hadn't heard of. Castiel maybe mentioned it once or twice when they were dating but it still was barely a blip on his radar. However getting there just an hour early and actually sitting in the small, quaint building had sent a wave of calm down his body. 

 

“Can I get you anything love?” A barista dressed in a blue and white apron smiled at Dean. Her name tag read ‘Krista’ and she had rainbow colored hair and her arms lined with tattoos. Her smile made Dean even more hopeful. 

 

Maybe this place had special powers. 

 

“Just a small dark coffee. One sugar please and pie, If you have pie I would love some.” 

 

Shee Wrote down the order. “Kind of pie? Our special today is a blueberry with a small pint of vanilla ice cream.” 

 

“That sounds awesome. I'll take that then.” 

 

“Alright then. Your order will be up in a few. Anything else I can get for you today sweetie. Or anything you wanna give me?” 

 

She leaned down close to Dean. “My shift ends at three.” 

 

A piece of paper  dropped onto the table with her name and number. She winked as she leaves and Dean already knows that he won't call her. Any other time, the old Dean would have taken her up on her offer but the new Dean, the one that had finally snagged the man of his dreams didn't and he tore up the paper. 

 

“I thought you'd want to call her. Krista is a great woman.” Castiel's voice was behind Dean. He turns around and is taken about by what he sees. The man's shirt is rumpled and his Jeans are crinkled. There's bags under his eyes as though he hadn't slept in days. 

 

He hoped that he didn't do this to him. 

 

“She's uh, she's not my type you know? I'm kind of into someone else at the moment.” 

 

Castiel took a seat across from Dean. 

 

“Do you want to order something? I mean I already did…” 

 

“Don't worry about it. I won't be here long. Just explain or make an excuse or whatever.” 

 

Dean sighed. “Yeah, okay. Look, what you saw that day was Benny kissing  **me** . I didn't know he was going to do that. That night he had a few too many and finally decided to tell me how he really felt. He has a crush on me, has for a long time but Cas, I don't feel that way. I love him but only as a friend. I still love you and even though you can't remember all that much, I do want to be with you. No matter how long that might take.” 

 

Dean watched as Castiel relaxed, sitting back in the chair and ran a hand through his tousled hair. 

 

“So you weren't kissing him back...you don't have any romantic feelings towards him because if you do, I won't stand in the way.” 

 

Dean reached over. He placed one hand on Castiel's. “My feelings for Benny are completely platonic. He's a friend. That's all he Is to me. I promise you that.” 

 

Castiel smiled, and Dean couldn't help but smile back.

 

“You know, I was telling Charlie the other day that I began developing feelings for you and I wanted to see where we could go with it. But I also told her that I wasn't sure about it because I know you loved the old Castiel, and I'm someone completely different than the man that that you fell in love with.” 

 

“I won't deny it, I do miss the old Cas, but I'm more than willing to figure things out with the new Cas as well, and if you get your memories back down the line then that's great - but I love you, no matter who you are. I love Castiel Novak and if you want to, I would very much like to take you out on a date after Christmas.” 

 

Castiel grinned. “That's sounds really good. I wouldn't mind it.” 

 

The two sit in silence for a while. Castiel smiling confidently at Dean and Dean feels his heart swell at the sight. 

 

Finally, something was going right in his life. 


	12. Chapter 12

 

 

**December 25th**

 

Dean woke up to a white Christmas. Leading up to the holiday it had been hot and sticky and Dean believed that they weren't going to have a nice Christmas this year and what does he wake up to? 

 

Snow…..

 

A Christmas miracle as his mother always put it. He sends out a mass text to everyone wishing them a merry Christmas and happy holidays and he decides to send Castiel a personal one. 

 

Especially given what had gone on in the last few days. The two of them had begun hanging out again and though Castiel can't remember a good chunk of his past, getting to know the new Castiel had been good for Dean and for Castiel. 

 

If anything, it doesn't even seem like anything has changed between them. To Dean, he stills seems like the same old Castiel. 

 

**To Cas: merry Christmas Cas**

 

His phone goes off not even five seconds later. 

 

**From Cas: happy holidays Dean! Are we still having the party over at your home or are we all going to Charlie's?**

 

**To Cas: still at my place. If you want to come over a little bit earlier then by all means ;)**

 

**From Cas: I'll be over at 7, everyone is gonna be there around 9 right?**

 

Dean decided to call Castiel. He really just needed to hear his voice. It takes a few moments before Castiel picked up the phone. 

 

_ “Morning Dean. _ ” 

 

“Good morning Cas. Hey, uh yeah. Everyone will be meeting up at nine here. I'm gonna start cooking some stuff and when you get here if you want to help, I'll be grateful for that.” 

 

_ “I don't know how great a cook I was before the accident but I know now that besides Pie and cake, I can't really cook and I don't want to burn anything or mess up dinner.”  _

 

“You were a bad cook before but I'm okay with that. You can hold the spatula.” 

 

There's a chuckle on the other end.  _ “Just let me hop into the shower and then I'll be right over. Save me something to do!”  _

 

“Will do.” 

                                         _

 

Castiel showed up a little while later. He greeted  Dean with a kiss and it's not often that Dean got butterflies in his stomach and when he kissed him, that's just what Dean felt the first time that they got together. 

 

“What are we cooking?” Castiel was standing in the kitchen, hovered just over Dean's shoulder to stare into the pot. 

 

“Someone wants a little bit of something different and Max has gone on this crazy health cleanse for his wedding day, whenever that might be so I want to cook to make something for everyone to enjoy.” 

 

“Just point me in the direction and I'll do whatever you need me to do.” 

 

“You can start by peeling those potatoes over there and then maybe making some pies and stuff if you feel up to it.” 

  
  


                                         _

 

The party starts off without a hitch. They open the gifts first and Dean can't help the smile on his face when Castiel handed him a present. 

 

“Cas, you didn't have to get me anything.” Dean says. He takes the crudely wrapped gift from him. Most of their friends started drifting away, giving them some privacy. 

 

“I know but I think that maybe it would only be right because you're kind of my boyfriend now and I thought it would be only right to get you something.” 

 

Dean opened the gift and smiled. A tiny replica of the impala sits in the box. 

 

“Cas…” 

 

“I didn't know what else you liked but Charlie had mentioned the impala and I kind of remembered this and well, I just hope that you like it.” 

 

“I love it.” 

 

Dena set the gift aside and pulls out his own gift. He handed it to Castiel. “This one's for you.” 

 

Castiel opened it, inside of his is a necklace. Engraved in the middle of the jewel had been his initials. And Dean's. 

 

“It was yours. I had bought it for your on your seventeenth birthday. You wouldn't take it off when I gave it to you.” 

 

“It's gorgeous Dean. I wish I could remember it but Dean, I---" 

 

Dean stood and took the necklace from Castiel. Dean stood behind him to place it around his neck. 

 

“I know that we have a long road ahead of us, but I know it's going to worth it, worth the wait of either getting your memories back or making new ones with me and I'm more than happy to have either one.” 

 

“Thanks Dean.” 

 

Castiel turned, facing Dean and smiled. 

 

He leaned and placed a kiss on his lips. 

 

“I'm willing to take that journey with you.”

 

**December 31st**

 

They decided to stay home this year and Dean couldn't be more happy for it. Well, it had been more Castiel's idea to stay home. Dean didn't really want to go anywhere and really just wanted to stay home with Castiel and spend some time alone.

 

Since Christmas, things had changed between them and by changed, Dean couldn't keep the smile off his face when he watched the way that Castiel's lips moved. A day after Christmas those lips had been wrapped around his cock. Dean had wanted to make sure that Castiel had been okay with this, had been fine with moving to this point and the answer had Dean blushing. 

 

Castiel had dropped to his knees, asked Dean if he was really okay with this and they had gone from there. Castiel couldn't remember much but his mouth surely remembered how to work a cock, especially Dean's, in just the way that he liked. 

 

Dean couldn't remember the last time that he came that hard. 

 

“Are we watching the countdown at Charlie's or are we gonna stay cooped up in your place the entire night?” Castiel is running a hand through Dean's hair, a game is playing on the television and neither one of them is paying much attention to it.

 

“Do you wanna go to Charlie's or do you wanna stay home? If we stay home we might have to go out. We're tapped dry with beer here.” 

 

“Alright then. We can go out and grab some and maybe some snacks and then come back here and enjoy ringing in the new year together?” Castiel suggested. Dean only grinned. This was a dream, spending another new year with the man that he loved, who he thought that he had lost. “Is the store a few blocks from here still open?” 

 

Dean nodded, getting to his feet and stretching,  hearing his joints pop. “They always stay open. No matter what time of day or night. Let's go.” 

 

                                         _

 

Castiel's hand are wrapped securely in Dean's as they walk through the aisles of the convenience store. Dean has a case of beer in the other and Castiel is looking at their limited selection of wine. He's not picky about what he drinks but he does want something good to ring in the year. 

 

“How about a red? Or a white?” Dean found a bottle sitting next to a bag of chips on the shelf. 

 

“Red could be good.” 

 

“Then get the----" 

 

“But white is good too. Or maybe a Sangria would go nicely with the soup that you made. Or maybe even a Chardonnay would be good too. So many choices. Maybe buying all of them might be good. Was I always like this? Having a hard time picking a wine?” 

 

Dean leaned over and kissed his cheek. 

 

“Always. It was worse at restaurants when you couldn't figure it out. How about you just get all the ones you like or think you like. We can enjoy ourselves for real tonight.” 

 

Castiel untangled his hand from Dean's and grabbed the three bottles of wine. The couple made their way to the register. 

 

They're silent for a while. Waiting for the person in front of them to finish when Castiel got a sudden inkling in his stomach. 

 

The man in front of them turned around and Castiel nearly dropped the bottles in his hand. 

 

“Bartholomew?” 

 

He hadn't seen the man since he ended things. According to Anael Bartholomew had left town shortly after and headed back home. 

 

He didn't know that he was back in town. 

 

Bartholomew …. He looked different than Castiel or Dean had remembered. Where he kept his hair neat and straight, it was messy and unkempt. His clothes were dingy and dark. A large hoodie covered his body and he had a six pack of beer in his hands along with a bunch of junk food. 

 

Neither can remember the last time that Bartholomew had ever eaten anything that wasn't good for his body. 

 

“Oh, hey Cassie. Uh. It's been a while.” Bartholomew shifted on his feet but didn't make eye contact with them. 

 

“Yeah. Anael had told me that you left town. I didn't know that you came back.” 

 

Bartholomew ran a hand through his hair and moved the beer and snacks in his hands around to make it more comfortable. 

 

“I couldn't stay away for long, my life is here. And just because we've broken up, and our past…. Avoiding you isn't going to make the situation go away.” 

 

Castiel shook his head, his eyes wandered towards Dean who's watching Bartholomew intently. 

 

“And that's all?” Dean questioned. He moved in front of Castiel, pushing him back just a little so that he's face to face with Bartholomew, “no intentions to try and win him back?” 

 

Bartholomew tilted his head, “of course not. Why? It's obvious that no matter what, even when he doesn't have his memory. He will still choose you. I know that I did him wrong. That I hurt him in the past and I can never make up for that. But he's happy. Right now, with you. Always, with you he’s been happy. I can't really compete with that now can I?” 

 

Bartholomew left without another word, leaving the two of them to continue on with their night. Dean paid for the drinks and they begin their walk down the street back to Dean's place. 

 

“Do you really think that he means that?” Dean said after a few moments of silence. Castiel had the bags in one hand and his other wrapped in Dean's. The entire walk his mind had been on Bartholomew. 

 

“I don't know. He took the breakup well but then again he did leave town shortly after.” Castiel mutters. 

 

“But that could mean like he said, that he needed some time to think about things but I just… I don't know. Bartholomew loved you, really loved you and that he gave up this easily doesn't make any sense to me.” 

 

“People change Dean. Reflecting, he probably changed and it's for the best right?” 

 

Dean shrugged. “I guess. I mean Cas, my mind rushes to the worst places. What if he's just doing and saying this because he has some plan to steal you back? I've known Bartholomew a long time.” 

 

Castiel cracked a smile. “This isn't some high school movie Dean. He's not the big bad villain with deep dark motives that he's plotting out for revenge. Maybe we should give him a chance and believe him.” 

 

**December 31st**

  
  


A new year meant new changes and a new Castiel. At least that's what he had told himself. He needed to get over the fact that he might not get his memory back and that he needed to be happy in his new relationship with Dean. 

 

And he was happy. Truly. 

 

“Where are you going?” Lucifer was standing in the doorway of Castiel's bedroom, his older brother's eyes were fixed on Castiel and the clothes that lay on the bed. 

 

“I'm spending the new year with Dean and the rest of the group.”

  
  
  
  


**January 1st**

  
  


A few days and Dean really did believe last year or at least the ending of last year was the best of his life after what had happened.  He had Castiel, he lost Castiel and then he got him back. 

 

The man ended up staying over the entire time during Christmas and well into the New Year. 

 

They hadn't done much beyond making out and eager blow jobs and both men wanted more, however Dean didn't want to push it, didn't want to push Castiel unless it is really what he wants. 

 

“Woah! Cas calm down okay?” It's the new year, their friends hadn't arrived yet and they had plenty of enough time to enjoy their day before they did. Castiel pulls back from Dean's lips, eyes filled with confusion and a little sadness. 

 

“Don't you want me?” Castiel questioned and Dean shifts on the couch. Of course he wants him, he wants him more than anything right now but he knows in his mind that it isn't the right time for them to take it further. 

 

“I do. Trust me I do, but don't you think that maybe we should slow down just a bit? I don't want it to seem like I'm taking advantage of you.” 

 

“You aren't.” Castiel leaned closer, he pressed his lips to Dean's again and ran his hands down Dean's bare chest. “I want this.” 

 

Dean pushed Castiel back just a little. The tent in his pants was obvious and Castiel can see it, his hands making their way to the bulge in Dean's pants. 

 

“Cas---" Dean moaned, he tossee his head back against the pillows of the couch. 

 

“Let me make you feel good Dean, let me show you how much I  _ love  _ you.” 

 

Dean's eyes widened with anticipation at the words. “Are you, did you just…” 

 

Castiel smirked. “I do love you Dean. My feelings for you, the way I feel about you I didn't… maybe they're from before. What I'm feeling from before or these are completely new feelings but I do know that I love you and I want to be with you on that way.” Castiel sighed. “however, if you want to wait and take some time I understand that too.” 

 

Dean began to pull Castiel into a deep kiss. 

 

“When the time is right. Got it?” 

 

Castiel frowned but he understood where Dean was coming from. “Got it.” 

  
  


**February 8th**

 

Castiel spends a few weeks with Hannah and Lucifer. Dean had asked him to move in with him and he had to tell his siblings that he was moving out. He didn't know how they would react but he knew that they wouldn't be happy about it. 

 

They still didn't trust Dean and that wasn't his fault, it was theirs and they needed to get over it, to deal with their own problems. 

 

Castiel was sitting in the middle of them, there's a show on that Lucifer is into and Hannah is on her phone, texting someone. Castiel's legs are shaking and he's tapped a hand across his thighs. A nervous tick that he had been told that he had. 

 

“Nervous little brother?” Lucifer said. His eyes are still on the television and he's not really paying that much attention to Castiel. 

 

Yet, he knows.

 

“No, why are you so concerned about me right now?” 

 

“I just do. Something is on your mind. What is it?” 

 

Castiel glanced away. He doesn't know the right words to tell them that he's leaving, moving in with a person that they hate but he doesn't have a choice. It's now or never. 

 

“I'm uh, I've decided to move in with Dean.” 

 

Hannah whipped her head around, staring furiously at her brother. Lucifer was still beside him. 

 

“What? Cassie you can't do that.” Hannah's voice is low, worry laced. 

 

“I mean, I can? I'm an adult.” 

 

“An adult who can't remember anything.” Lucifer began. “he's probably using this against you to get you into his bed or something. I don't think this is a good idea.” 

 

“I think that it's a great idea. I've been remembering more things since I've been around Dean. I remembered small memories but I remembered something and it's more than what I've gotten than when I was with the two of you. Whether you like it or not, I'm moving in with Dean. I just wanted to tell you instead of sneaking out in the dead of night and you called the cops for no reason at all.” 

 

“I don't get it,” Hannah shakes her head, she stood up. “I really don't. You were happy with Bartholomew. Things were going great for the both of you and then Dean. Dean! God ever since high school he's done nothing but ruin your life.” 

 

“Dean hasn't done anything wrong to me, ever. Bartholomew. Bartholomew has been horrible. He, the words that he would say to me isn't something that you say to someone that you love.” 

 

Lucifer placed a hand on Castiel's shoulder. 

 

“He didn't mean any of that. He changed, since before. All what he use to say to you he told us that he didn't mean any of it and I believe him, we both do.” 

 

Castiel shook his hand off, getting to his feet. 

 

“Dean told me that he verbally abused me back in the day, before all of this happened and you guys, you knew about it?” 

 

Fury crossed Castiel's blues, he began to shake. 

 

“Bartholomew was good for you. The money---" Hannah shut her mouth. That wasn't the right thing to say. 

 

“Is that what it was all about? Even back then? The money? You kept me with him because of his money?” 

 

Hannah reached for him and Castiel jerked back. 

 

“We were in a bad spot and Bartholomew offered to help us out. Cas we had to do it.” 

 

“My past with him, you knew about it! For chrissakes, even now you told me that he was my boyfriend. You let him be with me, be around me when you knew about my past with him. All for money?” 

 

“When you say it like that you make it sound like we're monsters.” Lucifer's voice was low, Castiel doesn't dare to look his way with the fear that he wouldn't be able to control his temper. 

 

He couldn't believe what he was hearing from the mouth of his own family. 

 

“I need to leave. I can't stay here.” Castiel walked towards the door, his body was shaking as he grabbed his coat from the rack and turned the knob on the door. 

 

He didn't want to come back. He'll send someone to get his stuff but for now, now he can't do this. He can't be around them. 


	13. Chapter 13

The night air was cold, it whipped Castiel in the face. He tightened his coat  around himself and made his way towards the bus to head to Dean's. He didn't realize that he had left his phone in his room, charging and he didn't want to go back and get it. They would only try and stop him and reason with him about what they had done, their motives and whatever else bull that he didn't want to hear. 

 

He stopped halfway, he took the time to look at his watch. The bus would be arriving in fifteen minutes and it gave him enough time to think up what he wanted to say to Dean without breaking down in front of him and being strong. 

 

Castiel took a seat on the bus bench, watched the cars pass by. 

 

He stared ahead, mind focused and the last thing that he remembers is hearing a voice behind him and hands wrapped around his mouth to keep him from screaming. 

 

**February 9th**

 

Dean was supposed to receive a phone call from Castiel last night. He sat up all night, the phone in hand as he waited for a text or even a phone call from him and he got worried when he didn't get either one. 

 

All of his attempts to call Castiel and even text him had gone unanswered as well. 

 

He was officially worried now. 

 

That's what finds Dean standing outside of Hannah's place a day later. He bought Charlie and Sam with him just in case they tried anything. 

 

“You really think that they would keep him hostage?” Sam questioned. He pushed his hands in his pockets, the February air getting a little chill for them. Of all the days, today there was a chill in the air. It had to have been a sign for something bad to come. 

 

Dean knocked on the door again, growing impatient at the fact that no one had opened the door yet. He needed to make sure that Castiel was okay. 

 

He hoped that he was okay. 

 

A few more seconds pass when Hannah opened the door. Her face is red, there's tear streaks down her face. 

 

“Where's Cas?” Dean doesn't bother with pleasantries. He doesn't have the time for it. 

 

“I don't know.” Hannah's voice was low and wavering. She clutched her shoulders, shaking just a little. 

 

“What do you mean you don't know? Hanna?” Dean took in her form, eyes focused. She doesn't know. 

 

“He left out of here last night. He was angry once he found out…” 

 

She dropped her voice and looked away. Dean got angry, he had a feeling that they were hiding something from Castiel but he couldn't figure it out just yet and here she was, announcing that he had been right the entire time. 

 

Sam moved closer, stepping in front of Dean. 

 

“Hannah, what happened last night?” 

 

She began to tell them what had happened, about Bartholomew and what they had done and each time, with each passing word Dean grew more and more angry. 

 

“And after that, he stormed out. He didn't take his phone and I don't know where he is. I thought that maybe he had gone to your place and I didn't even bother to call but seeing you here. I don't  _ know  _ where he is.” 

 

Dean moved, pushing Sam behind and he's face to face with Hannah. Rage emits off of him, his heart is racing and thoughts are rushing through his head. 

 

“If he's hurt. Hannah I swear you will pay if anything happened to Cas.” 

 

**Castiel : Week 1**

 

When Castiel came to he looks around and doesn't recognize the room that he's in. He looks down to notice that he's tied to the bed, still in the clothes from last night. In fact, most of what happened last night he can't even remember. 

 

“I didn't mean to do this.” A familiar voice broke through and he looks to the side where a door had been opened. Bartholomew stepped through with a tray in hand. 

 

“Bartholomew? What are you doing?” 

 

“I really didn't want to do this Cassie. But god, how could I not? I loved you so much and you threw that all away for Dean fucking Winchester! What good has he ever been for you? What has he ever done for you and I've always been there. I did so much for you Cassie. I loved you. I loved you so much. And now you're making me do this. I'm sorry about this but it has to be done. If I can't have you then no one can.” Bartholomew walks to a dresser drawer and opens it. He pulls out something that Castiel can't see. 

 

Castiel crept up further on the bed, Bartholomew was walking towards him with a needle in his hand. He sat on the bed, smiled darkly at Castiel and a sudden wave of nausea crosses Castiel once the needle is in his arm. 

 

He closed his eyes, fluttering before he succumbs to the darkness. 

 

                                           × 

  
  


It was Saturday, when Castiel was taken by Bartholomew and its Tuesday by the time that he's awakened and sees Bartholomew sitting at the edge of the bed. 

 

“I'm sorry I had to keep you out so long but I had things that needed to be done. How are you feeling sweetheart?” Bartholomew moved a hand towards Castiel. He tried to move but realizes that he's still tied to the bed. 

 

“Don't touch me.” Castiel snarled. “When Dean finds me, you're gonna pay for this.” 

 

Bartholomew laughed, standing up and heading towards the dresser. Castiel's Castiel's heart began to speed up. The last time that he had gone over there Castiel had been nicked in the arm and passed out. 

 

“Do you think that Dean will put two and two together? I've done nothing to prove to Dean or to anyone that I have intentions of kidnapping you. They won't look my way. I'm good. And your little boy scout won't do anything about it because he won't be looking for me or for you here. Now, I'm gonna go cook you some breakfast. You be an good boy and watch some day time television.” 

 

Bartholomew flipped on the television and walked out the room. Castiel struggled, he needs to get free, he needs to get out of this basement and if anything, he hopes that Dean is on his way soon.

 

**Dean: Week one**

  
  


A week passed and Dean’s on edge. Not only has he not heard from Castiel since but he couldn't find the man anywhere. He searched all of the places that Castiel usually would visit and nothing has turned up. Dean was losing it. 

 

What if something had happened to him? What if he was lying dead in a ditch somewhere and Dean didn't even get to say goodbye? A tear streamed down his face that he quickly wiped away when Sam had entered the guest bedroom carrying a tray of food. 

 

Dean hasn't  been able to stay at his place, Sam not wanting to take the chance of leaving his brother alone and told Dean that he could,  _ should  _ stay a few nights with him. 

 

Sam sat the food on the table before he takes a seat next to his brother. 

 

“How you holding up?” 

 

“I would be better if I could find a lead on where Cas is.” 

 

Sam sighed. “I get that. Have you tried calling Bartholomew. To see if he had seen Cas anywhere?” 

 

Dean shook his head. Bartholomew had been on his mind but he didn't have the pride to call him and ask if he's seen Cas.

 

He doesn't want to hear the possibility of Bartholomew telling him how useless he was that he couldn't even keep tabs on his boyfriend. 

 

“I haven't. Not yet. I doubt he's seen him though. Bartholomew told us the last time that we seen him that he was over Cas, I doubt he's seen him.” 

 

“You never know until you actually talk to him and asks him if he's seen him. He might have and he might not. You never know Dean.” 

 

Dean didn't want to admit that his brother was right. He wouldn't know until he actually tried and called the man. 

 

Sam left out of the room. The second that he does Dean takes out his phone and dials Bartholomew's number. 

 

It rings for a few seconds. 

 

_ Hello?  _

 

Dean sighed. 

 

Now or never. 

 

“Have you seen Cas?” 

 

_ What?  _

 

“Cas..he went missing a few days ago and no one has seen him. I'm worried about him.” 

 

_ Well, I haven't seen him. Not since that night I ran into the two of you. But you know what, if I see him I'll let you know. I'll check with Anael as well to see if she's seen him. _

 

Dean thanked him and hung up the phone. It was worth the try. 

 

“Where are you Cas?” 

 

**Castiel: Week 2**

 

Two weeks. 

 

Castiel had been kept captive for two weeks and Dean had yet to find him, he remembers when he called. Bartholomew had put him on speaker while he had Castiel's mouth bound. He tried, tried to say something for Dean to know where he was and he failed, Dean didn't know and probably never would know that he was with Bartholomew.

 

He would lose it all. 

 

“Just let me go and I won't press charges. I promise. Please Bartholomew.” 

 

Bartholomew is seated next to Castiel on the bed, running a hand along his backside while they watch a movie. 

 

“That won't work with me. You know that I know that the moment I let you go you're going to the cops. And even with my family's money, it's not enough to keep me out. So this is going to go one or two ways. With you and me burning together in this house or with me behind bars for the rest of my life.” 

 

“It might not happen that way if you just turn yourself in now. You could walk away with barely anything.” 

 

Bartholomew leaned over, placing a kiss on Castiel's cheek. “It's cute that you think that. But you and I both know how this is gonna go Cassie. Now enjoy the movie. I'm gonna go get some snacks for us.” 

 

Castiel can't help but cry. It's been almost two week, no sign of Dean and it didn't look as though Bartholomew was going to let him go any time soon. 

 

He was slowly losing hope in this situation. 

 

“Dean, I need you.” 


	14. Chapter 14

**A month later**

 

Bartholomew was bold, he sometimes leaves Castiel alone in the house and unbound while he goes to work. Said that he trusts Castiel enough to leave because there's nothing for him out there. Dean apparently wasn't trying hard enough to find him and no one else was looking for him. 

 

Bartholomew was all that he had now and he would have to get use to it. 

 

Castiel sat on the couch in the basement. The phones had been taken out as a precaution and maybe Bartholomew was right. Every time that he looked out at the door to leave something stopped him.

 

He didn't know what made his mind tell him that it was a bad idea to leave and find help but it did. 

 

He hated it. 

 

_ Dean doesn't want you.  _

 

_ A month and he hasn't found you yet? He knows that you're missing but he doesn't care.  _

 

_ He couldn't even tell that Bartholomew was lying to him. He doesn't care about you all Cas, you're going to die here with Bartholomew by your side.  _

 

_ Face the facts Cas, This was Dean's way out. You were useless to him. Couldn't remember him or your relationship. You didn't want him the way that he wanted you and now you're paying for it.  _

 

_ He's going to move on and you're going to be alone. _

 

Castiel had gotten desperate in those few weeks. 

 

His mind played tricks on him to the point that he didn't want to give Bartholomew the satisfaction of seeing him broken. 

 

“Maybe we can move away. Italy was always on your list of places to visit and now you get to! How about it? You and me and Italy? Just the two of us?” 

 

Bartholomew had Castiel wrapped in his arms on the couch, Castiel's mind already deciding that maybe, maybe he should just give up and submit to Bartholomew or end it all. 

 

Either way, Dean would never know. 

 

There's a knock on the door, Bartholomew got up and headed towards the door.

 

“I'll be back baby okay?”

 

Castiel nodded. 

 

He didn't care. 

 

“I know you have him!” Dean's voice rung through Castiel's head. 

 

Another hallucination, he just shook his head. 

 

“Get out of my house Dean. Before I call the cops.” 

 

“Call them and let them know that you kidnapped Castiel. The bus stop had a camera. It took a while before anything was secured but I saw the video and I saw you take him. Where is he?” 

 

“You're delusional Dean.” 

 

There's shouting and before Castiel knows what's happening Dean's in front of him, crying. 

 

“Cas? Cas baby it's me. Dean.” 

 

Castiel shook his head, this felt real. It felt like Dean but could it really be him?“Dean's not here. He's gone.” 

 

“What did you do to him?” The Dean in front of him stares at Castiel, running a hand down his cheek. 

 

“I didn't do anything to him. He lost hope. You didn't show up, for a month. You don't love him.” 

 

“It's me. I'm real. I'm here and I'm gonna take you home. Okay? We're going home and you won't babe to deal with him ever again.” 

 

Castiel's eyes locked with Dean's. 

 

He squinted when he sees the green eyes, really sees the tears. 

 

He can feel him. 

 

The contact. 

 

Their hands against each other. 

 

_ It's Dean, Cas. It's really him. He came for you. _

 

“Dean?” 

 

Dean pulled him into a hug. 

 

There's more voices in the house followed by the sounds of sirens. 

 

“It's over Cas. We're going home.” 

 

Castiel hugged him back. 

 

He might not have his full memory back, and he might not ever get it back but none of that matters now. 

 

He has Dean, he has a second chance and he's going to enjoy every moment. 

  
  



End file.
